If you’re a three-year-old, then you know Paw Patrol is a morning cartoon about six delightful puppies heroically protecting the good citizens of Adventure Bay. If you’re the parent of a three-year-ol...
Justin Trudeau cracks down on discrimination
Trudeau proposes new anti-transphobia bill to stop discrimination against the Trans Pacific Partnership....
New form of male birth control just a pastrami sandwich with extra onions
CALGARY – Researchers at the University of Calgary have developed the first effective form of oral male birth control: a pastrami sandwich with extra onions. “We’re not exactly sure how it works...
Aleppo residents just feel super bad your favourite celebrities died in 2016
ALEPPO, SYRIA – Residents of the war-torn city of Aleppo in Syria, who have this past year become the victims of further atrocities in the form of random civilian executions, are strongly expres...
Chief of Defence Staff attacks military’s sexual misconduct culture with flanking maneuver, close air support
OTTAWA – Chief of Defence Staff General Jonathan Vance has announced a full-scale military operation involving all 68,000 Regular and 27,000 Reserves, which aims to destroy all elements of milit...
Kevin O’Leary asks Putin for same deal Trump got
MOSCOW – A travel weary Kevin O’Leary arrived in Russia’s capital this morning in order to ask President Vladimir Putin for assistance becoming Tory leader and then PM of Canada, jus...
STUDY: Willennials gettin’ jiggy with it less often than parents’ generation
WEST PHILADELPHIA – According to a new study released in the Journal of Comparative Demography, Willennials are getting jiggy with it less often on average than previous generations. “Parents ju...
5 Reasons Love Actually is a feminist masterpiece, as well as a Coded Map to Zorboth, the Intergalactic Shadow Realm
Christmastime is almost upon us, and if you’re like us, it’s time to get ready to re-watch Love Actually. The only downside of loving this British romantic comedy is how much flack it will get you for...
Science Minister Kirsty Duncan terminates escaped specimen on floor of House of Commons
OTTAWA – Moments after an escaped lab specimen burst screeching through the House of Commons doors, Science Minister Kirsty Duncan has euthanized it, with the assistance of a double-barrelled sh...
Conservative Candidate Profile: Kellie Leitch
Name: Kellie Leitch Background Leitch has taken a courageous stand against the Ottawa “elite”, who she coincidentally defines as anyone you also don’t like. She is often commended for pulling herself ...
