OTTAWA – Moments after an escaped lab specimen burst screeching through the House of Commons doors, Science Minister Kirsty Duncan has euthanized it, with the assistance of a double-barrelled shotgun.
“Sorry to interrupt,” said Duncan, using a corner of her lab coat to wipe the fine misting of turquoise blood-spatter from her cheeks. “I believe the Prime Minister was answering a question regarding infrastructure spending?”
While a subdued House then tried to get on with the last forty minutes of Question Period, sources say it was hard to hear any of the Government’s answers, over the sawing and wet cracking noises of Duncan dissecting the specimen.
“Well would you look at that,” exclaimed Duncan, holding up a yam-sized, pulsating blue organ as Michael Chong tried to ask a question about trade policy. “Paydirt.”
Although Duncan assured the House just last week that containment measures in her sub-parliamentary lab were ‘entirely adequate’, critics say this assessment was made prior to her injecting Specimen Zero with the Omega Serum.
“In future, it seems we’ll have to implement security contingencies of a more. . . severe nature,” said Duncan, jacking fresh shells into the shotgun’s breach. “But first, I need to bring in that thing’s mother.”
This is the first time one of Duncan’s ‘Little Pets’ has escaped since the government’s supply of clones was compromised in last year’s Yellowknife Incident.
