Fuck-swing breaks day after warranty expires
BRANDON, MB – Despite assurances from the manufacturer that this would be “the last fuck-swing you’ll ever buy”, the SwayGasm Mk. IV purchased by Dave Lewis, 46, and Martha Lewis, 44, has b…
UPDATE: Waiter still grating Parmesan cheese
RICHMOND HILL, ON – Sources confirmed this evening that Vince Loberto, the 73-year-old chef and server of Loberto’s Family Pizza and Pasta, is still grating Parmesan cheese over local man T…
Canadian Association of Clowns say scary clowns no laughing matter
Haliburton, ON – The association representing the nation’s 50,000 clowns has condemned recent incidents of scary clowns in a fun-filled and mesmerizing press conference earlier today. Tumbl…
SOURCES: Canadian healthcare could take care of Trump’s sniffles
OTTAWA – After presidential candidate Donald Trump remarked that the Canadian healthcare system was “catastrophic,” experts at Health Canada say Trump’s constant sniffling could easily be t…
Dozens injured as Nobel laureates brawl with MacArthur Fellows in Stockholm back alley
STOCKHOLM, Sweden – Just hours after being recognized for their academic and scientific achievements, the 2016 Nobel Prize Laureates engaged in a violent brawl with the 2016 MacArthur Fello…
Canadians thankful for harvest or St. Lawrence voyage or something
OTTAWA – Canadians nationwide are gathering with friends and family to give thanks for the harvest or a historical St. Lawrence voyage or whatever. “My family always has a big turkey dinner…
New mother kicked-out of restaurant for breastfeeding self
KAMLOOPS, B.C. – Local mother Tabitha McMillian is speaking up against what she is calling the unjust shame imposed on women’s bodies, after she was asked to leave a restaurant for breastfe…
New PQ leader to add ‘maybe’ to referendum options
QUEBEC – The new Leader of the Parti Québécois has vowed to introduce a third ‘maybe’ option in the event of an another referendum. Jean-François Lisée promised that, in the event of a refe…
Disaster looms as man’s balls become itchy just five minutes into transit commute
TORONTO – Tensions are high on the 7 Bathurst bus this morning, as local man Michael Burke’s balls have become itchy only minutes after beginning his morning commute to work. “This is…
Baby shocked to learn its name is Wayne
WEYBURN, SK – As local infant Wayne Bender gained an increased sense of awareness of the world Thursday, he was startled to discover his name was, in fact, Wayne. What began as a thrilling …
