Beloved Beaverton supporters, Justin Trudeau has embarrassed our nation by removing our CF-18s from operations Iraq and Syria. This spineless move only makes our country more attractive for ISIS to mo...
The Beaverton announces bid for Conservative Party leader
Beloved Readers, The country is broken. People are on the streets. The economy is not economizing. The country is being invaded by niqab-wearing, tax-loving, baby-hating, transgender elites who want t...
The Beaverton Corporation announces its bid for Conservative Party Leader
We believe Canada deserves a better Conservative Party Leader: The Beaverton....
Mike Flynn offers to testify in exchange for immunity to dioxin poisoning
WASHINGTON – The former national security adviser told the FBI, House, and Senate intelligence committees that he’s willing to cooperate with an investigation into the Trump’s campaign ties to R...
Via Rail’s Canada 150 passes delayed until 2019
MONTREAL – Despite their best efforts to get them printed and shipped, Via Rail confirmed this morning that they would be delaying their Canada 150 youth passes until 2019. “I know Canada 152 do...
After cleaning his laptop screen, man discovers he’s been typing on old pizza box for months
LONDON – After a thorough cleaning Rodney Rubberts discovered that what he thought was his laptop was actually an empty pizza box he’s been typing on for months. “I just got frustrated,” stated ...
Study: Balding men sexy, balding women need to go back to the garbage cave where they belong
SASKATOON, SK. – A recent study shed light on the sexual desirability of balding men, while simultaneously concluding that balding women just need to go back to the garbage cave where they came ...
Political cartoonist under mistaken impression that political cartoonists have never been more important
OTTAWA – Robert Belmont, a cartoonist who contributes editorial cartoons to several major newspapers, incorrectly believes that political cartoonists have never been more important than they are...
RCMP report dickheaded Canada geese greatest threat to national security
OTTAWA — RCMP Commissioner Bob Paulson has declared asshole Canadian geese are the largest security threat facing the country. “Canadians are more likely to be attacked by these dangerous waterf...
Inclusivity win! Disney adds gay character to ‘Song of the South’ remake
Get ready Disney fans. In a progressive move, Disney has promised its new Song of the South remake will also feature a gay character. “We understand that times have changed, and we need to change with...
