OTTAWA — RCMP Commissioner Bob Paulson has declared asshole Canadian geese are the largest security threat facing the country.
“Canadians are more likely to be attacked by these dangerous waterfowl than by a terrorist,” explained the outgoing Commissioner who raised the Prick Canada Goose Level to 5 or ‘Imminent.’ “These organized avian gangs take over Canada’s parks, ponds, and fields and will attack anyone who comes near often without warning. They’ll even attack your dog.”
The 6 kg bird known for its ability to hiss and defecate everywhere was listed well ahead of cyber attacks, climate change, and transnational organized crime in today’s security briefing.
“One of these feathered pricks can really ruin your walk to work” added Paulson.
A recent study by the Conference Board of Canada 1 in 5 Canadians are probably hiding from a territorial Canada Goose right now.
