Bombardier seeks injunction to keep on never delivering trains
TORONTO — Bombardier Inc. went to court on Friday to preserve its right to continue failing to deliver trains to Metrolinx. “If the Government of Ontario wanted us to stop trying to deliver…
6 things only kids raised by helicopter parents understand
You’re probably used to it all by now, but your friends just don’t understand what it’s like having to deal with overbearing parents who are large, metallic rotary-winged aircraft. Sometimes, it …
Experts: next Tory leader will be candidate whose tie has largest Windsor
OTTAWA – With the Conservative leadership race heating up, experts say the next party leader will be whoever has the biggest, most ostentatious tie knot around their neck. “Tory voters need…
Local woman worried she says ‘y’all’ too much
MONTREAL — Local woman Molly Blackmore recently expressed concern to friends and family about her overuse of the contraction “y’all.” “I just find it handy!” explained Molly. “It’s casual and kin…
Kevin O’Leary wears disguise to volunteer at soup kitchen without attracting attention
RED DEER – Sources have confirmed that businessman and Conservative leadership frontrunner Kevin O’Leary donned a disguise so that he could serve underprivileged people without calling atte…
Local Dad trying to explain tribal tattoo to 4 year old son
Langley, B.C. – After years of long sleeve shirts Connor Smith’s 4 year old son, Jonathan, has finally inquired about the origin and motivation of his father’s full sleeve tribal tatt…
Betsy DeVos buys public school to practice on
WASHINGTON, DC – Recently-confirmed Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has purchased a small public school to practice on before she assumes the responsibilities for her new job. “I̵…
Public service pay issue successfully resolved after public servant dies
OTTAWA – The problem-plagued Phoenix Pay system for public servants resolved yet another pay-related issue after an employee has dropped dead from an apparent heart attack on Tuesday. Mauri…
Mom and Dad tag-team to remember boring anecdote
TORONTO – In an inspiring display of teamwork, local parents Al and Mary Dickinson joined forces on Friday to regale their son with a completely boring anecdote. “What a trip!” Mary announced sho…
How To: Plan A Romantic Valentine’s Day
Time to start your frantic last minute planning for the sexiest day of the entire year!…
