Anyone local man disagrees with considered ‘mainstream media’
HALIBURTON, ON – Whether it be a public broadcaster, a crowdfunded investigative journalist’s website, a local news station, or a privately-owned newspaper of note, any source local man Bre…
SeaWorld orca commits suicide by cop
ORLANDO, FL – After thirty-three years in prison, a daring escape, and a high-speed chase, SeaWorld’s prize orca, Tilikum, has committed suicide-by-cop, rather than return to his maximum se…
Four Seasons Centre for the Performing Arts to be renamed Axe Body Spray Fuck Dome
TORONTO – In a move that has caught local patrons off-guard, the Canadian Opera Company and multinational giant Unilever have agreed to a surprise, six-year partnership that will see the Four Sea…
Canadians answer Friends trivia and one of them may be a werewolf: BeavFeed
The one where our sound guy gets devoured.…
Thousands of Quebec women gather at vigil for discontinued “Bold Burgundy #188”
MONTREAL — Thousands of women gathered in downtown Montreal today to mourn the loss of legendary Féria hair colour, “Bold Burgundy #188”. The candlelight vigil, organized by local salon own…
Guide To: The Giant Man In The Ice
We obviously know you’ve already seen all the global coverage on this, but we thought we’d do it too.…
Cool aunt now appropriating Asian culture
PETERBOROUGH, ON – After five months of yoga and Bhagavad Gita quotes that she read online, Aunt Deborah has now begun to misappropriate cultural elements from various east Asian societies,…
New York Times lists Canada as No. 1 place to boost their web traffic when mentioned
NEW YORK CITY – Citing our country’s friendly, yet susceptible people and our natural insecurity, The New York Times has described Canada as the number one country in the world to surge the…
The Beaverton apologizes for anti-Brad Wall tweet where we called him ‘a fucking fuck face’
TORONTO – The editors of the Beaverton offer our deepest regrets to Saskatchewan Prime Minister Brad Wall for our recent tweet where we called him a “fucking fuck face.” “Obviously things g…
Slacktivism Defeats ISIS
“Thank you, thank all of you”…
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