Media promise to start covering Pierre Poilievre’s transphobic comments as soon as they finish 50th story on how Liberals are unpopular
OTTAWA – In the wake of Pierre Poilievre condemning “radical gender ideology” at an event in Richmond Hill, Canadian newspapers, radio shows and evening news broadcasters swear …
Liberals explain why they’re so far behind in the polls
The federal liberals continue to flounder, with poll after poll finding that, if an election were held today, Pierre Poilievre and the Conservatives would secure a massive majority government. We…
Oilers struggles blamed on carbon tax
EDMONTON – With the pre-season Stanley Cup favourite Edmonton Oilers struggling to develop momentum, Premier Danielle Smith blamed the team’s performance on the Liberal government’s carbon …
Law and Order: Toronto to follow exciting story of police ignoring gay community about serial killer
Toronto, ON – Producers of the exciting Law and Order series centering around crimes related to Toronto finally revealed what crime the pilot episode will look at. “We’re very excited to ha…
Expensive therapist makes higher quality “mmmm” sounds
VANCOUVER — Demand for professional counsellor Lorraine Novak has skyrocketed, thanks to her ability to make particularly empathetic “mmmm” sounds while her clients blab about their miserable liv…
SAG Strike ends, forcing actors to abandon nearly-complete Middle East peace plan
HOLLYWOOD – With news that the SAG-AFTRA and Hollywood studios have reached an agreement that will end the months-long entertainment industry strike, reports indicate that a return to work …
Local intellectual pumped to spend two weeks saying, “Um, I think you mean American Thanksgiving”
VANCOUVER – Local genius and free thinker Andy Hammond is amped to spend the next several weeks reminding his American friends and relatives that the holiday they are about to celebrate in …
Right-wing, authoritarian broadcaster known for polarizing comments to meet with Tucker Carlson
CALGARY – Criticism is brewing over the baffling choice to invite a right-wing demagogue and prominent anti-vaxxer to meet with Tucker Carlson. “I’m all for free speech,” said Alberta nativ…
Homeowner humble brags he needs arborist
VANCOUVER BC – Everyday millionaire and homeowner, Jason Crumps, spent the day humble bragging about how he needs to find an arborist. When the branches of a tree started to scratch at his …
Woman takes gap year to backpack through The Bay
MONTREAL – At 7:42 PM on Tuesday, McGill University student, Kathleen Beauce, sent an email to her friends, family, and favorite professors detailing her plans to take a year off school to …
