HALIFAX — According to reports, local man Matt Burnham celebrated his 26th birthday by treating himself to things he consumes and/or partakes in on a regular basis. “It’s my birthday, so of course I s...
Vancouver Aquarium and whales agree to hostage exchange
VANCOUVER—The Vancouver Aquarium and a pod of orca whales have agreed to trade prisoners in a move observers hope will reduce regional tensions. “We have spoken with our people, and we are confident t...
Ghanaian child annoyed with helicopter sponsor parent’s constant letters
ACCRA, GH – Ten-year-old sponsor child Yoofi Nkrumah is reportedly tired of the constant nagging and micromanaging of his helicopter sponsor parent. Helen Gladstone from Toronto has been busy sc...
Violent escalation not going how ‘Deadwood’ fan expected
BRAMPTON, ON – Seeking to emulate the rough-and-tumble action featured on the critically acclaimed HBO series Deadwood, local man Louis Fresno is now in incredible pain after escalating a minor ...
Netflix to revive family-favourite Grandma
LOS ANGELES (AP) – Following the successful revivals of Fuller House, Gilmore Girls, and Arrested Development, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will be resurrecting your dead grandmother. “Nostalgia ...
Oops! 7 times Margaret Wente accidentally plagiarized The Big Bang Theory
Writing is hard. Especially when you’re a columnist. You’re expected to have fresh perspectives every week. Which is why it’s totally understandable that sometimes you hear things on The Big Bang Theo...
5 ways to avoid being accused of sexual harassment that are just ‘don’t commit sexual harassment’
It’s a scary time to be a sexual predator. The ongoing wave of firings and resignations has left many men wondering “am I next?” Here’s a few handy tips that will ensure you stay clear of righteous mo...
The cost of prosthetic limbs
Our friend Courtney Gilmour tells us why prosthetic limbs cost so much in Canada....
White House doctor declares Trump fit to stand trial
WASHINGTON – US President Donald Trump is in good physical and cognitive health and otherwise “mentally fit to stand trial and aid in his own defense”, according to the President’s physician. “W...
Trump’s alleged cover-up of affair most presidential thing he has ever done
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton....
