Ghanaian child annoyed with helicopter sponsor parent’s constant letters - The Beaverton

Ghanaian child annoyed with helicopter sponsor parent’s constant letters

ACCRA, GH – Ten-year-old sponsor child Yoofi Nkrumah is reportedly tired of the constant nagging and micromanaging of his helicopter .

Helen Gladstone from Toronto has been busy scrupulously micromanaging every part of his Ghanaian child’s life from afar after becoming a sponsor parent a year ago.

“I get about twelve letters a day from her, and if I don’t respond to each one, she’ll call me on the cellphone she bought me,” said Nkrumah who lives in one of the poorest slums in the Ghanaian capital. “She has already contacted my teacher to discuss my recent math test on the multiplication table, and how I should be receiving more attention because I’m gifted.”

And she keeps telling me I won’t get into the top western universities unless I study and have at least five extra-curricular activities,” explained a visibly tired child. “I don’t need her to finish my homework, but she does anyway.”

Gladstone says she keeps a close eye on the child from 8,000 km away calling it a necessary step in his precious development despite the fact that he already has and lives with his biological mother.

“For only the cost of a cup of coffee per day, I get to see my sponsor child excel so he can grow up to be the best sponsor adult,” said the proud sponsor mother who is happy she finally has a child she can project her own anxiety onto by managing every aspect 24/7. “He has violin lessons right after school, followed by violin classes. At dinner, we talk about our day over the phone for the next two hours and I remind my child about how he’s not allowed to play football with the other children because it’s too dangerous.”

The 44-year-old Canadian says she is giving her sponsor child the right coddling he needs and performing better than all of the other child beneficiaries. She also regularly chastises what she calls “negligent sponsor parenting” on social media for those who a less involved with their child.

“I am so, so proud of my little sponsor child,” said Gladstone who constantly shares Facebook photos of the child she’s never met in person. “He’s the best in his class and will likely grow up to be a STEM major at an ivy-league school.

And if he doesn’t, I will pull my sponsorship because I have my eyes on this promising young girl from El Salvador.”

Want more satire in your life? Check out the Beaverton Podcast!