White House sources reveal Trump still using Obama’s Netflix password

WASHINGTON D.C. – Sources inside the White House recently confirmed reports that President Donald Trump has been stealing Netflix by using former president Barack Obama’s account. The Obama…

City of Victoria attempts to dispose of Sir John A statue via compost

VICTORIA – The municipality of Victoria has come across some difficulty in their attempt to be more green and compost the non-compostable metal statue of the first Prime Minister of Canada,…

Top 5 summer reads for people who pretend to read

Hot down, it’s summer in the city! Now that we’re mid-way through summer it’s time for you to get your vacation on, and what’s more fun in the sun than reading?! But wait, you haven’t read a book…

Third year McGill student hopes to visit Montreal someday

MONTREAL — At a barbecue last Sunday, third-year McGill student Katie Chang mentioned, to the shock of her friends and family, that she would “love to visit Montreal someday.” The commerce …

Man with summer cold convinced this is the most any person has suffered

SHERBROOKE, QC – Twenty-seven-year-old Jason Brossard concluded earlier today, without any sense of irony or exaggeration, that the fact that he contracted the common cold out of season is …

Trump proposes merit based immigration system rating potential citizens from “1” to “fuckable”

WASHINGTON, D.C – The Trump Administration has proposed a new merit-based immigration system that will award points to applicants. The system is modelled off the merit based systems used in…

Ford refuses to answer question abouCLAP CLAP CLAP WOO CLAP CLAP YEAH CLAP

QUEENS PARK – At a press conference this afternoon, Ontario Premier Doug continued what many reporters see as a worrying trend when he refused to field a question abouCLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP, WO…

Once I only have to pay a dollar for my beer, my life is sure to turn around in a big, big way!

By: Stan Hendricks For those of you Lib-tards who worried that Doug Ford lacked a clear platform to improve the lives of ordinary Ontarians, I present to you Exhibit “A” in the trial of Elites v.…

Doug Ford calls down flood to punish Toronto for its insolence

TORONTO, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is claiming responsibility for torrential rains that Tuesday night, saying he summoned the chaotic weather event to “punish Toronto residents f…

Which cult do I need to join to get a fashionable linen matching set?

By Janine Suarez Listen, I feel like I need to say this right off the top, I do NOT condone the mass suicides that most prominent cults are known for, however I do admire how dedicated they were …