WASHINGTON – Activists and advocates for both sides of the political spectrum remain convinced today that their view is the popular one and claim to have the ‘silent majority.’
“More people think the way we do, they just don’t like to say it,” says social justice activist, Brennan Majors. “I know many people who agree with me. Therefore the majority of the population is on our side, whether they say it or not.”
Nathan Cullen, farmer and mechanic in small-town Ontario, knows it to be true for the conservatives as well. “Whether they say it or not, the majority of the population is on our side. They just live in such a bubble!”
In separate interviews, both individuals cited their Facebook feeds to exemplify the strength of their majority. “Look, every single person is posting the same things about this issue. Most people see it my way,” said both subjects, in an uncanny word-for-word coincidence.
However, both parties claim that the numbers are not an accurate reflection of support for their cause, both citing unspoken support they both “feel really sure is out there”
“See, thing is, even the people who say they support the left wing cause are lying! They’re afraid of being punished by the aggressive out of control left wing mobs that want everyone to be a gay trans muslim artist..who’s black or something ” says Cullen’s wife, a stay at home mother of three.
“It’s the right-wing mobs that scare people into doing things they know are morally wrong,” says Brennan’s partner, Padma Khatri. “They view anyone who is ‘different’ as a threat. If you’re not a white, blonde, man from the south who marries a woman and pumps out a dozen children, then you’re a demon or something.“
Both parties expressed frustration with the state of the country, with a firm conviction that the opposition was responsible for everything negative that had happened, and nothing positive that has ever happened the history of any democratic western country.
“They can’t even have a civilized bipartisan debate anymore. You know why? Because they’re evil. They’re evil snake people and they want us all to die,” they both said.
At press time, both sides were absolutely certain that they were on the right side of history.