America divided over meeting between their leader and President Trump
HELSINKI, FINLAND- Tensions continue to rise in America in the wake of a private meeting between President Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin, Supreme Ruler of the United States. Supreme Ruler Putin…
Murder mystery dinner theatre ends in real death for 4th night in a row
VICTORIA – While audiences are marveling at the realism on display during the current production of ‘Whomdunit, A Mystery in Three Courses’ at the Waterfront Theatre and Bistro, authorities…
Tory MPP Oosterhoff relieved 10 year olds will no longer know more about sex than him
Niagara West, ON – 20 year old MPP Sam Oosterhoff announced today that one reason he was so delighted to see the Sex-Ed curriculum repealed was that he was sick of all these ‘cocky…
Immigration Minister apologizes to Ontario, admits being a dick to refugees is very Canadian
OTTAWA – After an incident in which he called Ontario’s new attitude to asylum-seekers “not Canadian” federal Immigration Minister Ahmed Hussen has issued a formal apology, admitting that treatin…
Apple unveils bold new keyboard design inspired by natural wonder known as class action lawsuit
CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has refreshed its high-end MacBook Pro laptop line this week, featuring a revolutionary new keyboard design that was inspired by the class action lawsuits filed agains…
Old man in Driver’s Ed knows all the drinking and driving answers
Kingston, ON – The students and faculty of All Star Defensive Driving Academy were delighted to find a star pupil in 65 year old Derek Knox, who knew the answer to every single question pos…
BREAKING: France okay with certain immigrants
MOSCOW, RUSSIA – After a high scoring 4 – 2 victory over Croatia in the 2018 World Cup finals, the entire nation of France announced Sunday that it finally embrace certain immigrants,…
Campus leftists under fire for refusing to engage in debate with escaped zoo tiger
TORONTO – In a rejection of liberal values characteristic of the modern Left, campus progressives are refusing to debate the eleven-foot man-eating tiger who recently escaped the zoo. “In a liber…
“Antarctic ice loss has tripled,” says crumpled report in garbage bin in Exxon’s cocaine lounge
Irving, TX – Oil industry insiders say that an alarming climate change report has been received by one of the top waste baskets in Exxon’s largest narcotic lounge. “It is imperative that we…
Ontario student from 2021 aces standardized phrenology exam
UXBRIDGE, ON – An Ontario student living three years into the future will receive a perfect score on his standardized phrenology exam. William Paxter, 17, will put in long hours of studying…
