The Beaverton

Danielle Smith uses notwithstanding clause to declare herself premier of B.C.

New Campaign Manager excited to bring fresh, moderate ideas that Poilievre will ignore

The Beaverton Lives! It still needs your help to thrive

“You can totally tell this movie was shot in Toronto,” says man about movie set in Toronto

Carney orders staffers to bow before speaking to him

Answering your questions about the Ostrich story your uncle won’t stop posting about

Cannabis tourist expected Toronto to be cooler

TORONTO – Visitors from the U.S. were dismayed this week to learn that despite Canada’s recent marijuana legalization, the city of Toronto is still extremely boring. Ohio native Jenna Blake…

Curling team kicked off ice for being too sober

CALGARY — Local curling team, the Cowtown Curly Fries, were ejected from their match at the Calgary Bi-Annual Bonspiel yesterday for showing up to play completely unimpaired. Referee Dan Mi…

Trump clarifies that massive Chinese tariffs will not include racist T-shirts

WASHINGTON, DC – Following his controversial $200 billion tariffs on Chinese imports, President Trump clarified this week that the tariffs would not apply to racially insensitive clothing. “Many …

STUDY: TV shows made for teens exclusively consumed by mid-thirties viewers

LOS ANGELES — A recent study has proven that television specifically written for the teenage demographic is exclusively being consumed by people in their thirties. “At first we were flatter…

Liberals propose generous “Eat Shit and Die” bill to striking Canada Post union

OTTAWA – Citing her party’s strong support for organized labour and workers’ rights, Minister of Employment, Workforce Development and Labour Patty Hajdu tabled the generous “Eat Shit and D…

Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes quits citing he ‘wouldn’t want to be part of a hate group that would have him as a member’

NEW YORK – After the FBI classified the hate group the Proud Boys as an “extremist organization”, founder Gavin McInnes has renounced his involvement, declaring ‘If a club of lo…