Update: Poppy already lost
CANADA – Recent reports indicate that you have already lost your poppy that was attached to your jacket, sweater, or hat a few moments after pinning it there. The symbol of remembrance slid…
Mysterious leftover IKEA parts placed in bin with the others
ETOBICOKE, ON – Not having a clue of what else to do with them, a local man placed the baffling extra pieces that came with a recently purchased “BILLY” bookcase inside a large bin in the …
Ontario’s new “open for business” signs criticized for failing to indicate operating hours
QUEEN’S PARK — Doug Ford’s new Welcome to Ontario signs featuring the slogan “Open for Business” have generated controversy amongst taxpayers for leaving out Ontario’s business hours.…
The Beaverton will pay whatever it takes to not see Tony Clement’s dick
Luke and the Panel (Michael Balazo, Kristy LaPointe and Ian MacIntyre) try not to get overwhelmed by how much news there is. They start by recapping the midterm elections and CNN’s coverage…
Trump fires Jeff Sessions as ‘treat to self’ after 6 days without constitutional crisis
WASHINGTON D.C. — United States Attorney General Jeff Sessions has resigned at the president’s request, a move Trump took as a reward to himself after lasting 6 whole days since his last co…
Maclean’s doing their best to one-up that time they said Canadian universities were “Too Asian”
TORONTO – Canadian news magazine Maclean’s has announced that their current cover, which features five white male conservative politicians unironically labelled as “The resistance,” was an …
Health Canada announces it will cover treatment for Canadians forced to imagine Tony Clement sexting
OTTAWA – Following the news that MP and former Health Minister Tony Clement is stepping down from his role as shadow Justice Minister due to a sexting scandal, Health Canada has announced i…
Take Your Kid to Work Day opportunity for students to avoid the mistakes of their parents
TORONTO – Across the province of Ontario, grade 9 students are experiencing the workplace firsthand for a lesson in avoiding the soul-sucking careers their parents currently occupy. “Son, d…
Democrats take the House! Everything is good now, right?
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Breaking: Celebrity voted
LOS ANGELES – According to widely shared posts on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, a popular celebrity has voted in the U.S. midterm elections. “I can’t be entirely sure, since I’ve never r…
