QUEEN’S PARK – During his 2018 election campaign, Ford claimed the Liberals had left him with a $15 billion deficit, now understood to be a much smaller sum of $7.8 billion, and has since promised tha...
“Just make oil prices leap to $120/barrel, and it will end,” says Jason Kenney waterboarding environmentalist
FORT McMURRAY, AB – After pouring a bucket of water over the head of a suspected environmentalist to simulate drowning, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney again demanded his chained captive raise the ...
Impacted molar can’t wait to prove smug “Canadian healthcare” retort wrong
LINDSAY, ON – Mere moments after local tooth owner James McKenzie confidently bragged to an American friend over the phone about the quality of Canadian healthcare, his impacted upper right 3rd ...
Detained migrant child worried he’s doing a bad job of raising younger detained migrant child
EL PASO, TX — After accepting responsibility for fellow detained migrant child José Estada, age 3, Carlos Lopez, 11, has expressed concerns that he is not living up to the responsibility of rais...
Despite zero confirmations, The Beaverton’s National Leaders Debate will go ahead with empty podiums
TORONTO – The Beaverton’s National Leaders Debate will still go ahead tonight void of debaters despite having no confirmations from any of the leaders yet. Debate organizers assumed that the inv...
Analysis: Trudeau has best debate performance of his career
TORONTO – Last night’s Maclean’s/City TV leaders debate for the 2019 federal election was a true highlight for the Prime Minister’s political career. Justin Trudeau had zero gaffes and stumbles ...
Liberals’ first-time home buyer plan will create fake hauntings to drive down prices
VICTORIA – The Liberals have kicked off their re-election campaign with a promise to help Canada’s first-time home buyers by convincing existing home owners that their houses are haunted. “After...
High schooler discovers having camp girlfriend holds no currency
HAMILTON, ON — Chase Wintermen, 15, has quickly realized upon beginning high school that getting to third base with his summer camp girlfriend “means absolutely nothing to anyone”. U...
Vaping industry responds to deaths by rebranding their product as ‘life cessation devices’
NEW YORK – With the sixth vaping-related death reported in the United States and hundreds more hospitalized, the e-cigarette industry has responded to public health concerns by rebranding their ...
John Bolton resigns to spend more time urging his family to invade Iran
WASHINGTON D.C. — After being asked to resign by the President, National Security Advisor Jon Bolton has left the Trump Administration to spend more time lobbying his family to invade the countr...
