Budget cuts: Ontario unveils DIY school repair program for students
TORONTO – The Ontario PC government is calling on elementary and high school students to learn valuable construction skills since his government recently cut the $100 million school repair …
Nation’s retail sales associates just want you to know “That’s a GREAT colour on you, hun!”
OTTAWA, ON – As summer quickly descends upon us, prompting the need for crop tops and breathable fabrics, the nation’s retail sales associates have banded together to make sure you know tha…
How to shed your sunburnt skin like a sexy little snake
Summer is s-s-sizzlin’ this year with many a heatwave warning! If you spent some time soaking up the sun this past weekend or if you have plans to crisp up that epidermis next weekend, here’s how…
Man eating Tim Hortons poutine hopefully going through a breakup or something
OAKVILLE – Visitors to a local Tim Hortons franchise were disturbed and appalled to see resident Thomas McNaughton eating one of Tim’s new poutines, a decision they truly hoped was the resu…
History students 50 years from now pretty sure they would have helped hide immigrants
OTTAWA — History students studying at Sir Andrew Scheer High School in the year 2068 have all agreed that, had they been around during the Trump Years, they probably would have helped hide immigr…
Man suffering heat stroke told not to complain about the heat because it often snows in January
TORONTO – Local man Kevin Meyer, debilitated by the effects of high temperatures, has been repeatedly told by friends and family not to complain about the heat because several months from n…
Scarlett Johansson’s portrayal of trans man considered frontrunner for Best Actress at 2014 Oscars
HOLLYWOOD – The controversial casting of Scarlett Johansson as a trans man in the film Rub & Tug has placed her as the favourite to win the Best Actress award at the 2014 Academy Awards…
Heroic activists convince sexually-harassed woman to come forward by regular-harassing her
OTTAWA – New ground was broken for women in Canada this week, after a team of heroic journalists and politicians convinced a woman groped by the Prime Minister to publicly identify herself follow…
BC mulls updating singing bowl tsunami-warning system
SALT SPRING ISLAND, BC – The British Columbia government is considering updating the province’s tsunami warning system, which consists mostly of New Age white people sounding their Tibetan …
Local small business obviously former Pizza Hut
HALIFAX, NS – Despite now exclusively serving medicines and convenient retail goods, members of the community said that Lee’s Pharmacy on Walt St. is obviously a former Pizza Hut on Sunday,…
