Man in movie theatre just needs to use his phone to send a quick text and read the complete works of Lucy Maud Montgomery
EDMONTON – As a hotly-anticipated blockbuster began playing in a packed theatre, 36-year-old Colin Schneider reassured his fellow moviegoers that he’d put his incredibly bright phone away just as…
Guy who can’t find the clitoris really into AI art
VICTORIA, BC – A local man who has never once found a woman’s clitoris has really gotten into AI art. “AI is the best,” claimed Shawn Owens, 29, as he played a video game created by real human be…
Canada stuck between making new friends and sticking with that one friend that’s gotten super conservative
CANADA – A somewhat reclusive and middle-aged Canada admitted it is stuck between making new friends or sticking with the one friend they’ve had forever, despite them recently becoming noti…
We tried to write a debate analysis, but Jagmeet Singh kept interrupting us
MONTREAL – Despite efforts to reflect on the federal leaders debate for the 2025 election, any analysis was cut short due to repeated interruptions from NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh. The debate…
Mark Carney not sure what he has to do to alienate left-wing voters
“How many times do I need to announce tax cuts or tell Palestinian activists to pound sand before you go back to the NDP?” Luke and the Panel (Ian MacIntyre, Nile Seguin and Jocelyn G…
The Beaverton demands same debate invitation as The Rebel, even though we’re not as big a joke
by The Beaverton Editorial Board There are times when journalists of principle must raise their voices to stand up for what is right. This is not one of those times. There are also times when a m…
Green Party threatens to keep adding co-leaders until they are allowed to participate in debates again
OTTAWA – After being dropped from leaders’ debates in the upcoming Canadian election due to not having enough candidates in the race, the Green Party announced that, until they were allowed…
“Not All Billionaires!” says billionaire Mark Cuban
Dallas, Texas —Amid growing concerns about the influence of the ultra-wealthy, billionaire Mark Cuban has issued a heartfelt plea via the jumbotron at the Dallas Mavericks stadium, “Not all billi…
Ford insists dubious Therme Spa project met all the necessary bribes
QUEEN’S PARK – Responding to a New York Times exposé claiming that European firm Therme grossly overstated its business experience to land a suspiciously lucrative Ontario Place re-de…
