The Beaverton

A man getting a haircut with an unhappy expression on his face while his right ear bleeds

Barbershop customer a little worried after seeing huge chunk of ear hit floor

Two teenagers in a library, each holding a stack of three books and looking vaguely unhappy

Alberta organizes banned book buyback to keep streets safe

Local man hears himself say “At least Bush had the decency to lie about his Oil Wars.”

Chaperone at Satanist school dance reminds students to leave space for Lucifer

A man is looking at the camera, sitting at a desk in front of a computer, while a woman stands slightly behind him and also looks at the camera while shrugging

Maximise your RRSP contribution by distracting your banker and then changing a bunch of numbers on their computer

American media’s cowardice no match for Canadian media’s incompetence

Defective Vorpal Blade goes Snacker-Snick

WONDERLAND – In a shocking move Wednesday, L. Carroll Enterprises, manufacturer of the popular Vorpal Blade line of self-defence devices, has issued a product-wide recall after a large batch of b…

“This is totally the World Juniors” says woman trying to trick her boyfriend into watching Heated Rivalry

SUDBURY, ON – Local girlfriend Ashlynn Timbers is currently monitoring her boyfriend as he watches the program she told him was the World Juniors Hockey Tournament, but is in fact the steam…

American media’s cowardice no match for Canadian media’s incompetence

TORONTO – As CBS News under Bari Weiss leads the charge of American media kowtowing to the Trump administration by deleting a story about the torture of migrants, there is one thing they di…

Carney urges Canadians to make holiday donations to struggling shareholders

OTTAWA – In light of economic difficulties facing the nation, Prime Minister Mark Carney reminded Canadians to pause their own holiday celebrations and give generously to billionaire shareh…