ATLANTA, GA – After final vote tallies from Arizona and Georgia, Joe Biden has won the U.S. presidential election only nine days after winning the U.S. presidential election.
With a total of 27 additional electoral votes from the two states, Biden’s lead has grown to a razor-thin margin of 306-232, assuming the razor is the size of Pennsylvania.
“We are really excited to be the state that put Biden over the top,” said Heather Metivier, chair of the Arizona Democratic Longshot Committee. “By which I mean the top of the top. Think of it like you ate a hot fudge sundae, and then after you’re done someone picks up the empty bowl and then hands it back to you and asks if you’d like a hot fudge sundae, and you’re like, sure, but I already finished it. It’s like that, but with democracy.”
Biden also carried the popular vote by more than five million voters, allowing him to edge ahead of Trump only nine days after carrying the popular vote by more than five million voters. But Trump supporters, energized by accusations of election fraud from the GOP, are protesting the election results as rigged.
“Most unfair election ever!” tweeted Georgia resident @NotRussianBot_Qnon69. “Deep state stole the top 4 inches of the ballots that dems won in the battleground states and replaced them with alternate 4 inches! CONSPIRACY!!!”
Despite national election officials calling the count “the most secure in American history,” Trump has continued attacking the results. Anonymous White House sources report that the president expects whomever is ultimately in charge of preserving the integrity of the American election process would be losing their job soon. That transition is expected to take place on January 20.