“Excuse me, I have a head, it’s a pumpkin,” claims local Horseman
SLEEPY HOLLOW, NY – The figure known colloquially as the ‘Headless Horseman’ is attempting to set the record straight about the status of his cranium and the hurt caused by hund…
Feds to lower flags to quarter-mast on Remembrance Day
OTTAWA – Heritage Canada has announced all Canadian flags will be lowered to quarter mas or “just above shoulder-level” for Remembrance Day. “Instead of making a complicated decision on whe…
Ontario minimum wage workers excited to live off 8 more dime candies a day
TORONTO – In the month since Ontario’s minimum wage went from $14.25 up to $14.35, the province’s workers are celebrating their earnings by adding an additional eight dime candies to …
Mad pseudoscientist unable to replicate previous results at bringing monstrosity to life
CASTLE LAZARUS – Doctor Viktor Lazarus a “self-taught” student of the biological and galvanic sciences has purportedly been working for weeks to repeat his past success at creating ungodly …
Metastatic cancer worried people will start associating it with Facebook
MENLO PARK, CA – Following the announcement that the corporation which owns Facebook, Instagram and Oculus has changed its name to Meta Platforms, Inc., the process which results in cancero…
Misinformed horse uses COVID-19 vaccine to treat worm infestation
LOUISVILLE, KY- Despite pleas to reconsider his stance by his family and veterinarian, local farm horse Mr. Clip Clop has thrown away his prescribed ivermectin and is using doses of COVID-19 vacc…
Bullied kid in haunted house relieved to see companions picked off one by one
HUNTSVILLE, ON ― Local 16-year-old Simon Norris was reportedly delighted to discover that a supernatural creature was gradually capturing the classmates with whom he was exploring the old Douglas…
Education Minister clarifies he would have normally fired 50,000 education workers for non-COVID reasons
TORONTO – Ontario’s Education Minister Stephen Lecce explained that he would have made Ontario’s education system “more efficient” by cutting 50,000 education jobs, but enforcing a vaccine …
“I’m not going to get vaccinated just to comply with arbitrary public safety rules,” says cop who makes living writing speeding tickets
TORONTO – As the deadline looms for Toronto police to get vaccinated or be put on unpaid leave, many officers who spend their days writing speeding tickets are refusing to get “an unn…
