Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Pierre Poilievre - The Beaverton

Conservative Leadership Candidate Profile: Pierre Poilievre

Background: Poilievre was born wearing a suit, and a sneer. He immediately used his first words to tell the doctor who delivered him everything she had done wrong. He subsequently studied international relations and worked as Stockwell Day’s jet-ski driving instructor. A fierce critic of government waste and bloat, he has been collecting an MP’s salary since 2004.

Most known for: viral clips of Question Period shared on by people you hate but haven’t blocked yet

Campaign Slogan: Make The Freest Country In The World. Right now Canada only scores 5 freedoms on the scale set by the International Freedom Lovers Organization For Freedom. Pierre aims to move us up to at least 8.

Policies: -Make the cast of Heartland watch as he burns the building to the ground

-Increase Canada’s ‘owning the Libs’ rates by 60%

-End the and defeat climate change in the marketplace of ideas

-Cancel . Then cancel attempts to cancel the cancellation of cancel culture. Etc.

Chance of Winning: See Murphy’s Law