Last shred of joy taxed 6.3% more
OTTAWA – The federal government has announced a new 6.3% tax on beer, wine, and all other alcoholic spirits that represent the last fragment of happiness in your otherwise pointless existen…
McDonald’s releases Big Mac Sauce-flavoured lube
Brantford, ON – McDonald’s just announced the release of its new Big Mac sauce-flavoured personal lubricant. Following the success of the Chicken Big Mac and Big Mac sauce dip, the fast-food gian…
Lesbian couple grocery shopping not aware their existence is a political statement
KITCHENER, ON – Local lesbian couple Maggie Chaney and Marianne Mathams recently created a sociopolitical stir in a No Frills by engaging in the bold act of being homosexuals out in the wor…
Conservatives explain why we need private healthcare
As more Conservative lead provinces move towards a two tier healthcare system despite Universal Healthcare being extremely popular with Canadians, we asked some politicians why the move was neces…
New morning radio crew doesn’t play music or talk, just laughs and laughs and laughs
CALGARY — CHFM launched a new weekday morning team who never play music or even speak; they spend their three hour broadcast block in constant laughter. “[Previous morning hosts] Billie Jo and Ca…
After big Oscars win, cast and crew of “Everything Everywhere All at Once” admit they found it confusing, too
LOS ANGELES – Following numerous Oscar wins for the film Everything Everywhere All At Once, various cast and crew are acknowledging that they, much like many moviegoers, found themselves ba…
5 trendy Alberta attractions that are giving parasitic fungus zombie apocalypse vibes
CALGARY, AB – Can’t get enough of HBO’s The Last of Us? Then strap a kid you just met into a pickup truck you inherited from a sweet gay couple, because it’s time to head on west. Dubbed by…
Local dryer really making a meal out of this “Your laundry is done” jingle
Basement, Toronto – Your new Maytag washing machine has spent the last 2 minutes playing a longer than necessary tune to alert you that the laundry is done. “It really could have just been…
Disney announces live-action reboot of Walt Disney
BURBANK, CA – The Walt Disney Company has revealed plans to add to the recent re-imagining of their old, familiar properties with a live-action reboot of founder, Walt Disney. “Walt is a person w…
DeSantis denounces woke soap companies that encourage consumers to “apply liberally”
TALLAHASSEE, FL. ― In an interview this week, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis took aim at the tyrannical sellers of hygiene and personal care products who routinely attempt to convert people to lib…
