OTTAWA – A new report has discovered that Canadian Millennials can save an average of $1800 per year and dramatically improve their chances of home ownership simply by switching to making their morning coffee at a Starbucks franchise that they personally own.
“These little daily sacrifices can really add up when you look at the course of an entire year,” said John Fordham, a man whose job consists mostly of sitting in a large leather chair in the offices of RBC. “It might not seem like much, but even something as small as saving up the $1.1 million in startup capital and licensing fees required to open a non-kiosk Starbucks franchise in an urban area with reasonable foot traffic can really pay off when you’re looking for those few extra dollars in savings.”
Some financial experts have criticized the recommendation as wildly unrealistic for most Millennials.
“In today’s housing market, being the sole owner of a franchise of the most successful coffee company on planet earth just isn’t nearly enough, even if you can save half a rent payment every year by drinking the abandoned mobile orders no one bothers to pick up,” said Gordon Wyseman, a man whose job consists entirely of telling people that Simplii Bank doesn’t need to have any physical locations.
“If you really want to get on the path to home ownership, Millennials need to be looking at much more aggressive financial measures, like buying essentials from a Dollarama that you personally own, only buying furniture from an IKEA that you personally own, or being the favourite child of Galen Weston.”
When reached for comment, Starbucks competitor Second Cup stated that Millennials could also pursue affordable housing by sleeping in the boarded-up shells of their former stores.