TORONTO – Sources inside city hall have revealed that Toronto Mayor Rob Ford spent the entirety of Sunday night and early morning Monday meticulously planning his next highly anticipated public ...
Local atheist converted by hot Jehovah’s Witness
REGINA – Despite having spent most of his life professing his antipathy for Abrahamic religions and staunchly denying the existence of any sort of deity, yesterday local atheist Hank Tremblay b...
Author sucked into own novel wishes he was better at writing women
COUNTY OF UNDISCOVERED, ONTARIO – After being magically trapped inside his latest novel, author Kyle Rapoport maligned his inability to properly write and develop female characters. “At first I ...
Harper denies knowing Duffy, Conservative caucus, his children
OTTAWA – After a series of embarrassing mishaps and scandals Prime Minister Stephen Harper is denying any role in knowing Senator Mike Duffy, most of the conservative caucus and members of his immedia...
Newly separated astronomer discovers planet said to be capable of sustaining wife
TORONTO – A shocking announcement made earlier this week by recently single astronomer Dr. Larry Gradenfeld claims the discovery of a new planet in the Eagle Nebula that could potentially suppor...
Quebec Soccer Federation bans turbans
The Quebec Soccer Federation will uphold a decision to ban turbans stating that if players want to wear turbans, they can play in their backyards. What’s your say? “This is a travesty. We should...
The Beaverton Live!
We’re happy to announce our live show! Only two weeks away! For media contact, view the show’s press release. Brown Paper Tickets Ticket Widget Loading… Click Here to visit th...
New Raptors GM pledges to restore team to its former mediocrity
TORONTO – Newly appointed Raptors GM Masai Ujiri, at a press conference announcing his hiring over the weekend, made clear his intention to rebuild the team from its current horrible state all t...
Nation celebrates end of Rob Ford Awareness Month
TORONTO – Closing ceremonies were held at Toronto City Hall late into yesterday night to mark the end of Rob Ford Awareness Month. The month-long observance successfully brought to the worldR...
