HOUSTON – Following a copyediting oversight in NASA’s annual budget request, the U.S. government has approved financing for the space agency to conduct its first manned mission to Mark. The…
Science and Technology
Elon Musk unveils advanced mining drill that goes deep enough to pull his head out from his ass
SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Tesla CEO Elon Musk announced plans for a new thermo-mining drill today that would have the capacity to drill deep enough to pull his head out of his ass. “Today i…
NASA announces the Moon will soon activate all the werewolves “just because it can”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The American National Aeronautics and Space Administration held a press conference today to announce their discovery that the Moon will soon be forcing every lycanthrope …
Digital Thanksgiving: Shortcuts to muting the anti-mask rants of your relatives
Are you tired of hearing about your uncle’s ‘Plandemic’ opinions or how governments are infringing on your aunt’s right to infect other people at the grocery store? Fortunately, digital Thanksgiv…
Trump endorsed by Pseudoscientific American Magazine
DALLAS – Following the news that Scientific American has endorsed a presidential candidate for the first time in its 175 year history, its rival publication, Pseudoscientific American, the …
Astrophysicists prove Big Bang was result of gender reveal party gone wrong
STANFORD – The physics world has been turned on its head today by incontrovertible proof that our material universe began when a gender reveal party 15 billion years ago resulted in an expl…
Scientists reluctantly admit they don’t know how birds have sex either
VICTORIA – Leading bird scientists worldwide have released a joint statement out of the International Ornithological Society confirming a long-standing weakness in their field of study: none of t…
Newly announced BlackBerry phone set to disrupt 2006 tech market
AUSTIN, TX – Mobile security brand OnwardMobility announced today that they will be launching a new version of the BlackBerry phone. Early reports from tech analysts say the device could sh…
Uranus tired of being a punchline, would like to explore its dramatic side
OUTER SOLAR SYSTEM – The seventh planet from the sun is done being treated as a joke and is demanding humanity start taking it and its dramatic aspirations seriously. “Neptune doesn’t have …
Lonely man sad to have no matches on contact tracing app
WINDSOR, ON – In the throes of late-stage quarantining Robert Greene, 55, advanced his long-lasting search for love and romance by downloading the widely spreading COVID-19 contact tracing …
