CANADA – Despite the fact that their cell phones have become obviously unhygienic, the nation is too paralyzed by ignorance to take steps to clean them. “I don’t have greasy skin or hair, s…
Science and Technology
Hero dog passes climate change regulation
OTTAWA – Breaking through the barriers of political deadlock, entrenched opposition, and conflicting regional interests, a heroic German Shepherd has successfully passed a suite of legislat…
Environmental scientists struggle to close giant hole in climate change denier’s layer of reasoning
GENEVA – Researchers at the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) are currently working hard to seal the chasmal gap in the arguments regurgitated by deniers of global climate change a…
First ever wind-powered vehicle breaks land speed record, kills 53
Black Rock Desert, NEVADA – Cleantech automotive’s innovative wind-powered vehicle has shredded the world land speed record along with approximately 50 spectators. The new vehicle equipped …
4-dimensional Rubik’s Cube champion solves puzzle before it is built
WATERLOO, ON – Reigning Rubik’s Cube king Steven Blatchkist wowed judges at the 2013 World Championships yesterday by solving a 4D variant of the puzzle prior to it having been developed or…
Man realizes barrel of monkeys more fun when monkeys not suffocated to death
ST. JOHN’S – To his chagrin, local simian enthusiast Roland Barnes has come to understand that a barrel filled with monkeys is much more fun when the monkeys haven’t died from an acut…
Upworthy changes all of existence in one short, feel-good, light on facts article
THE INTERNET – The social media sharing curating gurus at UpWorthy just published an infographic, 47-second video and gif that will blow the top off of everything, ever. “What an amazing day for …
NSA XBox Live surveillance reveals Jihad97 as a noob
FORT MEADE, MD – Leaked documents from the National Security Agency have exposed 11 year old Daniel Parklin, better known by the username Jihad97, as an absolute noob. Jihad97’s lack of bas…
Local construction project awakens community’s environmental activism, dormant alien race
STRATHMORE, AB – The second phase of the construction of a massive golf course in Strathmore, Alberta has struck a chord with environmentally conscious members of the suburb, as well as with the …
