OTTAWA – Speaking to reporters on the lawn of his placid retirement community, your grandpa announced this morning that he had had a vivid nightmare yesterday in which the Minister of Democ…
Politics
Ford offers Ontario companies holding cap-and-trade credits free tires to burn
TORONTO – Ontario Premier-designate Doug Ford will offer companies that have purchased carbon credits used tires so that they may be burned for heat. Claiming that the move will avoid any p…
Maxime Bernier claims he doesn’t have white privilege due to systemic bias he faces for being an asshole
OTTAWA – After a twitter confrontation in which he accused MP Celina Caesar-Chavannes of “thinking the world revolves around [her] skin colour”, former CPC leadership candidate Maxime Bernier has…
Poll: Majority of Ontarians somewhat creeped out with Doug Ford calling them ‘friends’
TORONTO – A new Ekos Research poll has revealed that a majority of Ontarians find it somewhat weird or very weird that Doug Ford keeps calling them friends despite not having a friendship. …
Ontario leaders blame their platform miscalculations on poor provincial math curriculum
TORONTO – Ontario leaders have placed the blame on the province’s math curriculum claiming it was inadequate to prepare them for proposing political platforms that involve numbers and…
Local man just wants to have a respectful debate with these Libtards
REGINA – Frustrated online commentator Keith Cook doesn’t understand why the cucks he is currently dealing with on facebook won’t engage in a meaningful and healthy dialogue wit…
Jagmeet Singh suspends entire NDP caucus to be safe
OTTAWA – NDP Leader Jagmeet Singh has announced that he is suspending all of his MPs as a precaution in the event that more members of his caucus are accused of harassment or other forms of…
Notley to flood BC so pipelines reach Pacific
EDMONTON – Alberta Premier Rachel Notley has announced her proposal to sink the province of British Columbia to resolve the ongoing Trans Mountain Pipeline dispute with BC, and grant her pr…
Elizabeth May shivs biggest, meanest guy in holding cell
BURNABY, B.C. – Emergency crews have been called to the Burnaby RCMP station amid scattered reports that Green Party leader Elizabeth May has shivved the biggest guy in lock-up following her arre…
Netflix makeover show “Scheer Eye” will bring repressed, aggressively tame lifestyle to the masses
TORONTO – In a press conference announcing a slate of new programming for the year, Netflix head of content acquisitions Audrey Gardiner was excited to reveal that Andrew Scheer, leader of …
