SCARBOROUGH – After failing to show any interest in June’s provincial election, local white friend Madison Thomas stunned no one by announcing she’s “just not that into” politics.
According to sources, Thomas hasn’t exercised her right to vote since that bitch Tiffany won student council president in grade 11. “I don’t really see the point – it’s not like my vote will make a difference,” said Thomas, whose riding was won by 81 votes in June.
“Also politics is just so boring! All these old men talking at each other about immigration and taxes,” added Thomas, a sixth-generation Canadian whose father does her taxes.
“People say you should go to protests, but has protesting ever really changed anything?” continued Thomas, who skipped her grade 10 history unit on civil rights to shoplift at the nearby Lululemon.
Thomas admits she’d like to be more informed, but says it’s difficult to find the time with her busy schedule of working three minimum-wage jobs to pay off her student debt, plus updating her cat’s instagram.
“I also wish I kept up with the news more, but it’s so depressing – every time you turn on the TV, there’s another story about police brutality or white people getting away with murder. It just makes me feel so helpless – I wish there was something I could do.”
At press time, Thomas reportedly spent her weekend canvassing support for a petition to bring back FOX series Lucifer.