…
Politics
Conservatives sure party members who supported Scheer and Bernier last time will now choose a centrist leader with mass appeal
OTTAWA – As the Conservative Party leadership contest officially gets underway party insiders expressed confidence that the same members who last time supported libertarian, racist uncle Ma…
Tories hopeful they will find ordinary, down-to-earth leader with a spare $300,000 to spend on entry fee
OTTAWA – A poll of Conservative Party members has indicated that a strong majority want a commoner relatable to all Canadians who can easily dish out $300,000 deposit for a leadership entry…
Jason Kenney’s war room unveils new, one-of-a-kind logo
EDMONTON – After being caught plagiarizing a US tech company’s logo for his government’s Canadian Energy Centre, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has unveiled a new, unique logo. “It’s called t…
CPC furious after Scheer pays for private schooling with party funds instead of oil kickbacks
OTTAWA — As Andrew Scheer resigns the Conservative leadership, party leaders are furious he used campaign funds to pay for his children’s private schooling, as opposed to the usual so…
Andrew Scheer makes first savvy political calculation
OTTAWA – Sitting in a darkened room, his fingers steepled in contemplation above a chess board, the newly-resigned Conservative leader awaited the consequences of the first intelligent poli…
Public scandalized by city councillor’s request to be paid as much as camp counselor
OTTER LAKES, B.C. – After a city councillor in the small but growing B.C. community of Otter Lakes (pop. 100000) asked to be paid the same full-time salary as the town’s summer camp counsel…
Tyler announces campaign to watch porn at this slumber party
PRINCE ALBERT, SK — In a story developing out of Dylan McDonald’s 10th Birthday party, fifth grader and charismatic leader Tyler Perkins has launched a campaign to watch porn at this slumbe…
“You think you got problems, buddy?” sobs Scheer drunk on milk to bar patron
OTTAWA – A sad scene unfolded at an Ottawa bar as Andrew Scheer succumbed to the anxiety of an uncertain future as Conservative Party Leader drinking far too many dairy beverages. “Oh, your…
