OTTAWA – In the wake of this week’s trillion dollar crypto-market meltdown, Conservative leadership candidate Pierre Poilievre has vowed to find an even riskier and more fraud-prone investm…
Politics
Conservative Party of Canada vows not to change ambiguous stance on abortion
OTTAWA – The Conservative Party of Canada has announced that, despite the growing pro-life movement in the United States government, Canadians can rest easy knowing that they won’t know the…
With midterms approaching, many fear democrats are running out of time to completely alienate the left
Washington – With only six months until the 2022 midterm election, many within the Democratic National Committee are worried that the young, energetic, left wing voter base behind candidate…
Opinion: I don’t think you should have rights, but that’s no reason to be mean to me
Jasper, TX – Back in my day, we could talk politics in an objective and fair way. As far as I know, there hasn’t been any kind of civil unrest or movement in the last 50 years in this count…
School Board mandates bullies begin performing “Lunch Money Acknowledgements”
WINNIPEG – A Manitoba school board has adopted a policy requiring bullies to acknowledge the previous “stewards and caretakers” of the lunch money they steal from peers before spending it. …
Human embodiment of all the worst people in your poli sci seminar running for conservative leader
OTTAWA – Observers at universities across the country have reported that current conservative leadership front-runner Pierre Poilievre has managed the impressive feat of embodying a compreh…
Marc Dalton & Scott Aitchison latest conservative leadership candidates we can’t tell apart
OTTAWA – Doppelgangers Marc Dalton and Scott Aitchison recently entered the already crowded Conservative party leadership race, prompting frantic Canadian reporters to wonder how they would…
Vanilla yogurt holds slight lead in Conservative leadership opinion polls
OTTAWA – A rather bland Conservative leadership candidate has gained a slight lead in opinion polls, according to the latest survey data. Leger polling suggests a tub of vanilla yogurt is enjoyin…
Poilievre counters “obnoxious nerd” image by revealing he’s into bitcoin
OTTAWA – In order to combat his well-known public image as an “insufferable know-it-all geek”, Conservative leadership hopeful Pierre Poilievre has revealed that he is also very into crypto…
With Jackson hearings underway, Republicans regret squandering their supply of evil
LOCATION REDACTED ― The secret meeting of national Republican politicians was interrupted this week by the undisputed mastermind of American villainy, who was reportedly furious at his underlings…
