By: Doug Ford You may have noticed I found myself embroiled in a bit of a scandal this weekend. No not the one where I suggested immigrants are not real Ontarians. The other one where I repeatedl…
Editorial
My mom is the strongest woman I know besides Gargantua The Mighty
It wasn’t until I became an adult that I appreciated my mother. Growing up, there were many times I wished she would lighten up and not be so strict with me and my siblings. But that was before I…
Stop acting like you haven’t also used Facebook to spy on people
EDITORIAL by Mark Zuckerberg Look, I’m still taking a lot of heat for the way Facebook collected data that may or may not have been used to spy on its users. Do I deserve to shoulder some blame f…
I’m gonna get that hand
Editorial by President Donald Trump This is an open letter to my wife, Melania Trump. You’ve left me with no other option, since I don’t know where you are in the house and I think you have me mu…
When will there be a men’s earth day?
By: Karl Smith For the last of 47 years people all over the world have celebrated Earth Day to draw attention to environmental protection and for 47 years I have wondered when will there be a Men…
I made soup in my crockpot, and you’re damn well going to hear about it
By: Ethan Dennis Hi, how are you? Okay, you son of a bitch, check out this soup. I made that. In my crockpot. And you’re damn well going to hear about it. Ask me how easy it was, motherfucker. No…
Believe me, the feeling is mutual
By: Kathleen Wynne Look, you may think I’m aloof, cocooned in my Toronto bubble. But I’ve seen the same poll numbers you have. According to Forum and Ipsos-Reid, Ontarians overwhelmingly loathe m…
Removing toxic mold from the workplace is PC culture run amok
By ELEANOR THINKPIECE As a straight, cisgender white person, I know my opinion doesn’t count for much these days. But someone has to say it; the current movement to cleanse our workplaces of toxi…
Dear Elon Musk: We’ll happily compromise our integrity in exchange for your money
By: The Editorial Staff of The Beaverton Dear Elon Musk: We, the Editorial Staff at The Beaverton – Canada’s Premier News Satire Website and Crayon Manufacturer – have recently learned of your of…
All that stuff in the Harry Potter books wouldn’t have happened if the teachers had guns
Editorial by Larry Beaton For a month now people have been mocking President Trump, just because he had the audacity to suggest that our children would be safer in school if teachers were armed. …
