TORONTO – Newly named Commissioner of the Ontario Provincial Police Ron Taverner has promised that under his leadership, the force will not allow the kind of rampant political corruption th…
Ontario
Ontario fixes hallway medicine by removing walls creating open concept medicine
TORONTO – Ontario’s government has announced it has finally eliminated hallway medicine by removing any partitions or internal walls within hospitals. “Patients will no longer have to wait …
Doug Ford won’t stop taping ‘Mayor Of Toronto’ sign on office door
TORONTO – Despite being removed every night by janitorial staff, Doug Ford continues to tape a handwritten sign on his office door that reads ‘Mayor of Toronto.’ “At first I thought it was …
Ontario cuts French-sounding words from government services
TORONTO – The province of Ontario has announced it will be eliminating any words used in government services that Premier Doug Ford finds ‘French-sounding.’ 45% of various nouns and verbs u…
Ontario PCs pass resolution to only recognize the two genders: folks and elites
TORONTO – At their party convention this weekend, Ontario Progressive Conservatives passed a resolution concluding that there are only two genders: hard-working, business-owning, mortgage-paying …
North Korean leader blushes at number of standing ovations in Ontario Legislature
PYONGYANG – North Korean Leader Kim Jong-un was reportedly blushing after watching so many standing ovations for Premier Doug Ford by the Ontario PC caucus during Question Period. After a b…
Take Your Kid to Work Day opportunity for students to avoid the mistakes of their parents
TORONTO – Across the province of Ontario, grade 9 students are experiencing the workplace firsthand for a lesson in avoiding the soul-sucking careers their parents currently occupy. “Son, d…
Dog eared copy of “The Fountainhead” appointed as Ontario’s assistant treasurer
QUEEN’S PARK — After a meteoric rise through Ontario’s progressive conservative party, A dog eared copy Ayn Rand’s 1943 novel The Fountainhead has become Ontario’s Associate Minister …
Ford announces new Ontario license plate slogan “washrooms are for customers only”
QUEEN’S PARK – Shortly after unveiling Ontario’s new “Open for Business” border signs, Premier Ford has announced that the province’s iconic “yours to discover” license plates will be discontinue…
TVO doesn’t want hallucinatory monster only visible to some to be associated with drugs
TORONTO – Following the appearance of a cannabis-themed parody mascot named Tokaroo at a recent legalization event, Ontario’s public broadcaster has sent a legal threat to the man behind th…
