OTTAWA – In a move that many experts fear will cause a rift in already strained negotiations, Canada’s toddlers unilaterally demanded more uppies earlier today. Talks have entered arbitrati…
National
Andrew Scheer distances himself from The Rebel, will go ahead with op-ed in Eugenics Quarterly
OTTAWA – Following the website’s involvement in the Charlottesville neo-Nazi rally, Conservative party leader Andrew Scheer has decided to cut ties with The Rebel, planning instead to publi…
Ezra Levant somehow tanks white supremacist website during most racist time in recent memory
TORONTO – Despite a huge increase in racism and racial violence across North America and the presence of a white supremacist in the White House, Ezra Levant has somehow managed to entirely …
Ezra Levant buys domain name therebel.com in attempt to profit from recent disaster
TORONTO – Conservative pundit Ezra Levant has reportedly purchased domain names therebel.com, therebel.net, rebelimplosion.ca, and other related titles, in an effort to profit off of the di…
Canada holds nationwide beauty pageant to find most effective NAFTA negotiator
OTTAWA – In preparation for the upcoming round of NAFTA renegotiation talks, Canada is searching for the most effective possible negotiator through a nationwide beauty pageant. “We consider…
Experts: since 2013, Canadian banknotes have had wrong Queen on them
OTTAWA — A group of prominent historians has spoken out this week, condemning the Royal Canadian Mint for a lack of care in the design of the polymer bank notes released in 2013. The group, led b…
Poll: Most Canadians love single-payer healthcare except Alan, the single payer
MONTREAL – A new poll shows most Canadians are either happy or very happy with the current single payer system, with the notable exception of 28 year old Alan Roberts, the man personally re…
“I didn’t touch the brownies you left on the counter, Mommy,” claims chocolate-covered Andrew Scheer
REGINA, SK – Despite chocolate smeared all over his face and hands, federal Conservative Party Leader Andrew Scheer insists he has no idea what happened to the freshly baked brownies his mo…
Brad Wall finishes ten year sentence as Saskatchewan Premier
REGINA – Brad Wall has completed his sentence as Saskatchewan Premier and is set to be released on parole in November. “I’ve made mistakes,” said a heavily tattooed Wall while exhaling a ci…
Right whales disguised as adorable seal pups to raise awareness about pending extinction
ST. JOHN’S – A group of environmentalists are disguising all right whales – dead and alive – as adorable harp seal pups in an attempt to gain international attention to the plig…
