OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau’s Liberal Party continues to find the reality of governing more difficult than making campaign promises. After electoral reform and environmental protection they are…
National
Barrick Gold entombs fifty foreign miners in Peter Munk’s pyramid so he’ll have workers to abuse in afterlife
TORONTO – Deceased Barrick Gold founder and philanthropist Peter Munk will be laid to rest this week in his family’s pyramid along with fifty still-living miners so he can always have someo…
Bank of Canada introduces first vertical bill after employee forgets to select ‘Landscape mode’
OTTAWA – The Bank of Canada was forced to submit into circulation a vertical $10 bill after a worker at the Canadian Bank Note Company failed to select ‘Landscape mode’ from the print…
New Brunswick Tourism Ad
Watch this exclusive clip from The Beaverton.…
Canadians tacitly accept ‘Rim’ and ‘Win’ as a rhyme for 32nd year in a row
HAMILTON – Remaining willfully blind to proper poetic structure in order to maintain a chance at winning a free coffee, Tim Hortons customers across Canada participated in Roll Up The Rim T…
Poll: 70% of Canadians just happy Trump only threatening a trade war at this point
OTTAWA – A new poll by Angus Reid has found that the vast majority of Canadians, while upset about Trump’s proposed tariffs, are still pretty relieved he hasn’t declared actual war by now. …
Trudeau returns from UK visit with British accent
OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau has returned from a trip to England only to shock Parliamentary observers with his new, fully-formed British accent. “My dear, whatever do you mean?” said Trudeau in…
Government announces plans to make ‘O Canada’ deity neutral
OTTAWA – Following recent changes to make the national anthem gender neutral, the Liberal government is taking things one step further by also making the anthem applicable to a variety of gods. T…
Citing distinct identity, 7 Bloc Quebecois MPs announce intention to separate from rest of party
OTTAWA – Claiming that leader Martine Ouellet does not respect their unique position within the Bloc Quebecois Party, 7 out of 10 Bloc MPs have chosen to leave. Tension has been building fo…
Criminal justice system charged with accessory to murder in Colten Boushie case
North Battleford, SK – After an all-white jury returned a verdict of “not guilty”, despite expert and eyewitness testimony, the Canadian criminal justice system has been formally charged wi…
