OTTAWA – Justin Trudeau has returned from a trip to England only to shock Parliamentary observers with his new, fully-formed British accent.
“My dear, whatever do you mean?” said Trudeau in response to questions on the House of Commons floor. “This is my normal speaking voice, innit?”
Opposition MPs were quick to chastise the PM, saying that the trip wasn’t nearly long enough to develop an accent and that he was just trying to be cool like that time he started smoking Gauloises after his Paris Climate Accord trip.
“It’s hardly my fault. When a culture is presented to me I merely soak it up,” said Trudeau, throwing his Manchester United scarf over his shoulder to reveal its tags were still attached. “Like a biscuit soaks up tea. Earl Gray tea.”
Despite his “absolutely smashing” time in Great Britain, Trudeau admitted that he was happy to finally be back in the colonies, even if they were a bit “how shall I put this? Quaint.”
“I’m pretty sure he’s faking it,” confessed Defense Minister Harjit Sajjan. “He’s mixing Cockney, Essex, Welsh, plus whatever Tom Hardy is doing. Also, he definitely slipped into Australian at one point.”
At press time, Andrew Scheer had finally been removed from Conservative caucus after spending three weeks perfecting his “Borat voice” at party headquarters.