HALIFAX – Financial planner Marlene Singh has earnestly told her clients that, in order to be financially secure, they should have a lot more money. “In my professional opinion, I can not s…
Local
Husky 12-year-old in dance recital winks seductively into audience of parents
SURREY, BC – According to sources in attendance at Simpkins Dance Academy’s annual all-ages showcase last Saturday, a 12-year-old dancer tossed her head irreverently to the side, and winked…
Man with summer cold convinced this is the most any person has suffered
SHERBROOKE, QC – Twenty-seven-year-old Jason Brossard concluded earlier today, without any sense of irony or exaggeration, that the fact that he contracted the common cold out of season is …
Fat guy has a lot of nicknames
CALGARY – Local overweight man, Chuck “Tiny” Dunkirk, has noticed that his friends have found no shortage of quirky nicknames that exploit his most noticeable feature. “Nicknames are a great way …
Going out of business sale really highlighting why business failed
VANCOUVER – A local lawn ornament store is holding a going out of business sale that neighbours in the area are saying does a great job showcasing all the reasons the business was a ridicul…
Friend has the balls to schedule wedding on long weekend
London, ON – Reports from the area have indicated that local man Steve Marchand had the sheer audacity to hold his wedding to Lisa Braxton on the Saturday of the August long weekend. “The b…
Suspicious unattended bag just happy to be noticed
CALGARY — Doing its best to remain humble, a Dunlop overnight bag left unattended at the city’s International Airport is reportedly drawn the attention of onlookers as well as the Calgary B…
Staff morale at all-time low after office dog tenders resignation
VANCOUVER – Staff at local tech startup Coral Solutions were shocked to learn on Friday that Cupcake, the 5-year-old pug that had been with the company for over two years, had formally subm…
Houseplant dead at three weeks
VICTORIA B.C. — The Collier family have announced with great sadness the passing of their household purple orchid, a mere three weeks after buying it. “Though we did our best to give it a home, o…
Meditation class helps local man be present in the shitty, shitty moment
Salmon Arm, BC – Local resident Tobias Efinggs is praising a recent mediation course as truly helping him to be more mindful and live in the terrible, awful present. “I used to spend my tim…
