CALGARY – Local overweight man, Chuck “Tiny” Dunkirk, has noticed that his friends have found no shortage of quirky nicknames that exploit his most noticeable feature.
“Nicknames are a great way to show someone just how good friends you are” said “Big D” Dunkirk. “And in my case I am apparently really good friends with A LOT of people.”
“It’s so great that there are so many synonyms AND antonyms of the word ‘fat’ that everyone can draw upon,” he added.
Nicknames for Dunkirk run the gamut from the simple (“The Mouth”) to the creative (“Triple D” – which is like Triple XL but with the letter D).
“Also Nancy from HR keeps calling me Brando, but I’m not sure if that is a reference to famous fat actor Marlon Brando, or if she just legitimately has me confused with another person.”
Interestingly, Chuck’s friends each have only one nickname, none of which point out any aspect of their bodies but instead draw upon unique inside jokes, or are simply random.
“It’s just so easy to come up with new ones on a daily basis; Chuck is lucky like that,” beamed Todd Bernholtz, Chuck’s best friend since Grade 3. “And it’s wonderful that society hasn’t ruled out our ability to point out Chuck’s weight the same way they did with our black and gay friends.”
However, friends and family are concerned by recent reports that Dunkirk may be attempting to lose some of his excessive weight for health reasons.
“Oh god, that would be horrible,” said Evelyn Dunkirk, mother of “Chuck the Gut”, “I think the shortened life expectancy associated with being over 280 pounds is a fair trade-off for a lifetime of fun nicknames for my Big Kahuna.”
Chuck’s siblings, Bill “Stretch” Dunkirk and Stan “Shorty” Dunkirk could not be reached for comment.