HAMILTON – After a three hour procedure, surgeons at Hamilton General Hospital have successfully separated two conjoined pancakes. Natalie Gateman, who first delivered the stuck-at-the-seam…
Health
Canadian Blood Services’ ban on gay blood donors
The Beaverton uncovers the real reason Canadian Blood Services won’t let gay men donate blood.…
New STI discovered in Victoria nursing home
Victoria, BC – Health Canada admitted this morning that a new sexually transmitted infection has been discovered in nursing home resident Gladys Newcombe. “This new STI causes terrible pain…
World’s oldest man says petty grievances keep him going
HALIFAX – The current oldest man in the world, Johnson P. Bartholomew, 112, claims the key to longevity is holding on to as many petty grievances as possible. “They say an apple a day keeps…
Brad Wall demands to know how Syrian refugees are causing Saskatchewan’s HIV crisis
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall is taking decisive action to address his province’s HIV crisis by demanding the federal government explain how the Syrian refugees are to blame for t…
Private-clinic doctor calls for constitutional challenge to the Hippocratic Oath
VANCOUVER – Private-clinic owner Dr. Brian Day has called for a constitutional challenge for an oath he says is a relic of the past, no longer useful in today’s society. “There’s so much in…
Courageous and inspiring woman accidently free bleeds
TORONTO — Today, local marketing associate Ellen Smith stood up for women’s empowerment everywhere by embarking on a bold, 4-hour, totally unintentional free bleed. Smith’s courageous stand began…
Doritos nutritionists concerned Canadian diet not ‘zesty’ enough
VICTORIA – A special report released earlier this week by top Doritos nutritionists has expressed concerns that the average Canadian’s diet is far below the daily recommended zesty-ness threshold…
Health Canada allows gay men to donate blood so long as they go straight for a year
OTTAWA – Minister of Health Jane Philpott has announced that the federal government will be lifting the restriction on gay men’s blood donation so long as they have been heterosexual for th…
Crest introduces new yellowing strips for a more mature look
NEW YORK – Oral hygiene and toothpaste maker Crest has unveiled its new yellowing strips in attempt to woo consumers who want that perfect, aging smile. Crest Yellowing Strips and its new t…
