Big news: using only traditional methods like scalpels, radiation and chemotherapy, a group of doctors at University of Alberta have managed to cure cancer in some patients. This could save milli…
Health
Once again millions of Canadians literally forget how to drive after first snowfall
OTTAWA – Ministry of Transportation offices across Canada are once again finding themselves overrun with what has become a familiar sight each winter, as hundreds of thousands of Canadians …
Local woman turns to Pinterest to plan perfect hysterectomy
BRAMPTON, ON- Looking to get all the latest tips, tricks and fashions, Brampton woman, Doreen McFay, is using popular app Pinterest to plan her perfect hysterectomy. She is part of a growing tren…
75% of stuff in parents’ cupboards just things to make pooping easier
REGINA – A study conducted by scientists at the University of Regina has found that a full 75% of the items found in the nation’s parents’ cupboards serve the sole purpose of making the eva…
Health Canada to crack down on vaping in order to stop nation from looking lame
OTTAWA – The federal government plans to regulate the sale and consumption of e-cigarettes in order to stop Canadians from looking like a bunch of assholes all the time. “There are simply t…
Surgeons successfully separate conjoined pancakes
HAMILTON – After a three hour procedure, surgeons at Hamilton General Hospital have successfully separated two conjoined pancakes. Natalie Gateman, who first delivered the stuck-at-the-seam…
Canadian Blood Services’ ban on gay blood donors
The Beaverton uncovers the real reason Canadian Blood Services won’t let gay men donate blood.…
New STI discovered in Victoria nursing home
Victoria, BC – Health Canada admitted this morning that a new sexually transmitted infection has been discovered in nursing home resident Gladys Newcombe. “This new STI causes terrible pain…
World’s oldest man says petty grievances keep him going
HALIFAX – The current oldest man in the world, Johnson P. Bartholomew, 112, claims the key to longevity is holding on to as many petty grievances as possible. “They say an apple a day keeps…
Brad Wall demands to know how Syrian refugees are causing Saskatchewan’s HIV crisis
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall is taking decisive action to address his province’s HIV crisis by demanding the federal government explain how the Syrian refugees are to blame for t…
