CANADA — As the COVID-19 situation finds many Canadians working from home for the first time, the overwhelming majority report discovering that their entire job description could normally b…
Health
Canadian government scolds citizens for not fully embracing its half-measures
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has made it clear he is very disappointed in members of the Canadian public for not electing to do everything they can to stop the spread of COVID-19,…
Nation’s tenants vow to cough on rent cheques
OTTAWA – With vast numbers of Canadians suddenly out of a job and no sign of relief from most landlords, the nation’s tenants have collectively vowed that if they must still pay rent, that …
Group hanging out in park presumably celebrating the blood on their hands
VANCOUVER – A group of friends chatting, drinking and generally having a grand ol’ time in the park this past weekend were presumably celebrating the fact that they are now responsible for …
Maintain a sense of normalcy under quarantine by continuing to trim your pubes
Like many people, you may find yourself adjusting to a brand new stay-at-home lifestyle these days in order to protect yourself and others from the spread of COVID-19. During these disruptive tim…
Local man eyes 2010 Fun-Run t-shirt as potential toilet paper substitute
CALGARY — With only two rolls remaining and the grocery stores empty, local pipe fitter Trevor Bilton has reported considering alternative toilet paper options during his COVID-19 quarantin…
Local man assures shoppers he definitely also hoarding toilet paper for coronavirus
MISSISSAUGA, ON — As self-quarantining shoppers clear out many stores’ inventory of toilet paper, local systems analyst Greg Charpman keeps repeatedly insisting that his need to stockpile t…
Missing: Anti-Vaxxers
LETHBRIDGE, AB – Amidst the spread of COVID-19, regularly vocal anti-vaxxers are largely missing from the global conversation surrounding the pandemic. “It’s weird,” said local systems anal…
Place you bought Jeans from six months ago wants you to know they’re doing everything they can to combat Covid-19
Markham, ON – In an urgent email sent out this morning, the place you bought jeans from six months ago wants you to know there is absolutely nothing they value more than your health and wel…
Health Canada allows furry convention to proceed as planned
OTTAWA – In spite of recommendations restricting large gatherings of people to slow the spread of COVID-19, Health Canada has given the go-ahead to the upcoming furry convention Furtive Gla…
