TORONTO — Former astronaut and current public figure Chris Hadfield has once again found a way to shoehorn the fact that he spent 166 days outside of the Earth’s atmosphere into the public discourse.
“I clicked on an article about his advice for isolation and it was all ‘international space station’ this and ‘space shuttle’ that,” said Markham resident Jackson Briggs. He then said of Hadfield, “just for once I’d like to see him not hide behind being a decorated veteran and national hero.”
Hadfield’s time in space has featured prominently in his biography, stage show, personal speaking engagements, children’s book, and – one can only assume – his love making. Once when asked for directions to the nearest Starbucks, Hadfield reportedly somehow included a 15-minute description of how to dock a space shuttle with the Russian space station Mir.
“Even his Masterclass is about space exploration! I was hoping I’d finally get to know about some of his other talents,” exclaimed local pipe fitter Geoff Hendricks. “Think of all the other things he could have taught: moustache clipping, amateur guitar technique, social media management, and even reality show hosting.”
“We all have special talents. I was the first person to be charged with drunk driving while delivering mail,” said former Canada Post employee Karen Taver. “But you don’t see me always bringing that up. I only bring it up when it’s relevant.”
When reached for comment, Commander Hadfield stated, “blah blah space blah blah space walk”.