NATIONWIDE – With the current rollout beginning for the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine, many people across the country are excited about the chance to have bitter arguments about the safety and ef…
Health
Health Canada announces that dudes who wear shorts all winter will get vaccine last
OTTAWA – Health Canada announced this morning that they have come up with their official vaccine pecking order and, as expected, those dudes who insist on wearing shorts all winter will get…
As pandemic deaths skyrocket in Whoville, The Grinch is dubbed self-isolation hero
WHOVILLE – Last Tuesday, many who have spoken out on quarantining during the COVID-19 pandemic have taken to Twitter to praise The Grinch for his preparedness amid the news that Whovillians…
B.C. makes controversial decision to give first 4000 doses of COVID vaccine to stars of The CW’s Riverdale
VANCOUVER – The government of B.C. has announced how they will be dispensing the 4000 doses of the coronavirus vaccine the province is set to receive next week, and all of them are going to…
Public health officials warn against seasonal gatherings of ten or more lords a-leaping
OTTAWA – As the holidays approach and cases of COVID-19 continue to rise, the Public Health Agency of Canada has urged citizens to limit social events this season to less than ten lords, especial…
Canada politely waits in desperate silence to be asked if it would like more COVID vaccines
OTTAWA – As nations around the world line up to acquire vaccines against the COVID19 virus from countries with the manufacturing capacity, Canada is quietly waiting its turn to be offered s…
Local woman watches porn just to see people interacting without masks on
KITCHENER- With more Canadians staying at home and avoiding the public, it makes sense that online activities would also be on the rise. But a new report suggests that while porn consumption is u…
Canadians warned to shelter at home unless your job makes money for someone richer
OTTAWA – Health Canada is warning all Canadians to avoid COVID by staying at home, with the exception of those whose jobs create wealth for those with exponentially more money than them, in…
Santa Claus states fake Pandemic won’t stop him from entering anyone’s home
North Pole – Santa Claus has responded to questions about the pandemic affecting Christmas by saying he is not afraid of some “fake disease.” “I won’t let some left-wing conspiracy to destr…
Woman dead for three days told she’s “probably just stressed” by doctor
BARRIE, ON – Olivia Short, a local woman diagnosed as “probably just stressed” by her doctor, has turned out to have already been dead for three days. Olivia “Liv” Short, 29, had already been dec…
