THORNHILL – A Bat Mitzvah for twelve-year-old Thornhill girl Revi Spivak took a tragic turn when her face melted off her skull during the p’tikhah, the ceremonial opening of the ark that contains…
Culture
Disney casts Amy Adams, Benedict Cumberbatch as leads in upcoming live-action Mulan film
LOS ANGELES – Speaking before an assembled group of industry press earlier this week, Disney spokesperson Ian Glenn enthusiastically unveiled the casting of Hollywood stars Amy Adams and Benedict…
TIFF TIPS: How to finally catch Atom Egoyan and get his treasure
The Toronto International Film Festival has descended on The Six once again, and that can only mean one thing: the trickster Atom Egoyan will once again appear, and taunt media and fans alike wit…
Producers of “It” reboot assure audience it won’t contain book’s infamous scene of children having gluten
LOS ANGELES – It producers want to assure potential moviegoers that the film will not contain the book’s infamous scene of a group of eleven-year-olds having gluten with each other. “As art…
Jason Statham cast as Tinky Winky in gritty Teletubbies reboot
LOS ANGELES – Miramax has recently announced that action star Jason Statham has landed the coveted role of Tinky Winky in the upcoming live-action reboot of beloved British children’s show …
Opinion: I could acknowledge R. Kelly’s alleged sex cult, but then I couldn’t play ‘Ignition (Remix)’ at parties
By: Amanda Caparillo Since it has come to light that R. Kelly has been imprisoning underage girls in a sex cult for several years, I have considered acknowledging his crimes, but that song “Remix…
Man proud of Western Culture mostly just seems to like Seth MacFarlane
EDMONTON – Although he claims pride in the culture and traditions of the West, local man Eric Arlin mostly just seems to enjoy movies and TV shows written by Seth MacFarlane. “It’s time the…
Local man hates new fantasy series that he’s absolutely going to read all of
CALGARY – After throwing down the first volume in disgust, local man Eric Patel declared that the new fantasy series Swords of Korregon is terrible but that he’s definitely still going to r…
Yuppie rat colonies continue gentrification of lower income sewers
TORONTO – As part of Toronto’s continuing trend of gentrification, rats from Rosedale, Forest Hill, and other affluent neighbourhoods have begun colonizing lower income areas througho…
George R.R. Martin stoked to find out how Game of Thrones ends
NEW MEXICO – In a statement given to reporters ahead of the seventh season finale of hit HBO show Game of Thrones, George R. R. Martin (author of the unfinished book series it is based upon…
