OTTAWA – In a new marketing campaign, chain restaurant The Pickle Barrel is appealing directly to a historically undervalued consumer base: people who steal individually packaged jams. “People wh…
Business
Mountain Dew courts evangelical consumers with ‘What Dew would Jesus Do’ campaign
NEW YORK – In what is already being hailed as a novel and innovative attempt to reach out to America’s crucial Evangelical consumer base, PepsiCo subsidiary Mountain Dew has announced a new promo…
New S’well water bottle automatically charges you per sip
NEW YORK – S’well, the company known for selling $62 water bottles, announced on Monday that they will begin automatically charging customers for every sip consumed. The new feature, tradem…
6 money management tips from a toddler who just bought five Kinder Eggs
Hi! I am rich! I have five Kinder Eggs that I brought from the store. Do you want to know how to get enough money to buy fiveKinder Eggs? This is the most Kinder Eggs I have ever seen! I have a l…
Oilsands sees new hope in gasoline-powered wind turbines
CALGARY – With low oil prices hurting the economy, the Canadian oilsands industry has invested heavily in a new alternative form of energy production through gasoline-fueled wind turbines. …
World’s last two corporations announce merger worth “all the money”
DOVER, DE – Hammering out a deal that experts estimate to be worth the entirety of Earth’s money supply, the world’s last two corporations have announced that they will be merging into a co…
Tim Hortons celebrates Canada 150 by replacing Double-Double with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuple
OAKVILLE, ON – In celebration of Canada’s 150th birthday, Canada’s favourite coffee chain will replace their world famous Double-Doubles with Sesquicentuple-Sesquicentuples for a limited ti…
New Air Canada plan allows passengers to collect points every time they’re abandoned at an airport
MONTREAL – Air Canada’s new loyalty program will allow passengers to collect 100 points every time they’re bumped from a flight and abandoned overnight at an airport. The Montreal-bas…
Tim Hortons launches answer to Unicorn Frappuccino: a cup of neon paint
OAKVILLE, ON – Releasing it hot on the heels of Starbucks’ multi-coloured Unicorn Frappuccino, Tim Hortons has announced its own Instagram-ready drink: a cup filled with neon paint. T…
Apple invents new laptop that is designed to be turned off once in a while
PAOLO ALTO – In a stunning announcement Apple Inc. has revealed that their new MacBook Pro has been specially built so that it will function better if turned off from time to time. “As our …
