LONDON, ON – A second year business student is chasing his dream of climbing the corporate executive ladder so that one day he is rewarded with a large executive bonus for running the company into the ground.
With enough hard work, dedication, and selling his talent, Alister Erling hopes to become a CEO, CFO, COO, or any other position on a corporate board that comes with some sweet perks for failure.
“I’ve learned quite a bit about running a company,” said Erling who is studying at the distinguished Ivey Business School at the University of Western Ontario. “After and MBA and a big promotion, I will no longer need these skills to earn a living. I can ignore a changing marketplace and repeated quarterly losses while alienating a loyal customer base with no consequences. By the time I get off my ass and do something about it, it will be too late. ”
The 20-year-old said that he can achieve his dividend goal of $500,000-$2,000,000 for mismanagement in addition to his regular $300,000 salary while thousands of employees below his rank have the hounour of finding another job.
Erling will also use his strong networking skills to hide from public outrage while attempting to liquidate any remaining assets and cut employee pensions.
“But the real dream is receiving a government bailout,” added Erling. “That’s the way capitalism should work.”