Peterborough, ON – Suffering yet another horrific loss at Tim Horton’s quasi-gambling game, Roll Up The Rim, Scott Heller has decided that he can’t live a day longer without a Jetski. “I think so…
Business
Report: Average CEO also 270 times happier than average worker
OTTAWA – Measuring the effects of money on wellbeing, a report released Friday comparing employee life-quality to that of the world’s top executives says that the average CEO is now 270 tim…
Rebel Media asks viewers to place retirement savings into ‘Rebel Ponzi Scheme’
TORONTO – Controversial media website The Rebel has unveiled a new investment opportunity for its viewers: Canada’s first conservative-only ponzi scheme. The “Rebel Freedom Scam” promises s…
Boss a little too enthusiastic about celebrating office Chinese New Year
LONDON, ON – Wearing a red and gold tie and bowing as his employees came into work, Gerald Turning, 57, a local sales manager at Brenk-Co Plastics was reportedly a tad over enthusiastic abo…
Report: the real NAFTA was in our hearts all along
Washington, DC- After months of tense negotiations between Mexico, Canada, and the US over free trade throughout the continent it has been discovered that real NAFTA has been in our hearts all al…
Airlines now planning to cut headroom on planes
SEATTLE – A leaked document from the annual International Airlines Convention (IAC) has revealed that the next cost-saving measures to be employed by carriers will be a reduction in the amo…
Tim Hortons heirs encourage minimum wage employees to inherit their own coffee chains
COBURG, ON — After cutting employee benefits and paid breaks, the heirs to the Tim Hortons fortune are encouraging their minimum wage employees to make up the lost earnings by inheriting mu…
By 12 PM today, top earning CEOs will have eaten your lunch
OTTAWA – A new study by the Canadian Institute for Policy Alternatives says that by 12 PM today, Canada’s top earning CEOs have already eaten the lunch you’ve prepared for work. Research sh…
REPORT: Experts worried Christmas not commercial enough
OTTAWA – With a worrying drop in retail sales and less than stellar spending growth, financial experts are beginning to worry that the fourth quarter holiday season purchasing period may no…
Chapters-Indigo to phase out books to sell more fleece blankets, reading socks
TORONTO – As of December 31st, Chapters-Indigo will no longer be selling any forms of literature, and will instead focus more on book adjacent products. Canada’s largest bookstore says it w…
