SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Following this past week’s announcement that Juul Labs would be discontinuing their top-selling mint e-cigarette pods, the company has revealed its plans to release wron…
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Boeing unveils new jet that looks suspiciously like two 737 MAX 8s in an overcoat
SEATTLE, WA – Boeing unveiled a new aircraft today that some analysts are concerned is actually just two 737 MAX 8s in an overcoat. The embattled manufacturer has been under mounting pressu…
Air Canada invokes notwithstanding clause to overturn Air Passenger Bill of Rights
OTTAWA – On the day the landmark Air Passenger Bill of Rights came into effect Canada’s largest airliner, Air Canada, announced it would be invoking the Notwithstanding Clause portion of th…
Celebrating Prime Day Results, Bezos awards all robots one extra squeeze of oil
SEATTLE, WA — Following the record 175 million items sold over the Prime Day Sale this past week, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos celebrated by giving each warehouse robot one extra squeeze of AmazonBasics…
Shoppers Drug Mart launches PC Opium Points program
BRAMPTON, ON — Shoppers Drug Marts across the country have begun rolling out promotions for their new “PC Opium Points Points” program — a groundbreaking initiative that offers redeemable points …
Canada’s Wonderland opens tallest, longest rollercoaster line on Earth
VAUGHAN, ON- Stretching as far as the eye can see, this season, Canada’s Wonderland has opened the world’s longest, tallest, biggest and steepest line to a rollercoaster than any other line…
YouTube warns white nationalist groups promoting race war that videos better not violate copyright
SAN BRUNO, CA – Video-sharing website and Google subsidiary YouTube has announced a strict new policy of reiterating its only response to white nationalism: swiftly pulling videos that viol…
Woman warns coworker of clogged toilet like she shielding rookie officer from mangled corpse
OTTAWA — Reports have confirmed that senior HR administrator Sheryl Leon prevented her colleague, financial analyst Lauren Thomas, from opening the door to a bathroom stall containing a clogged t…
BuzzFeed publishes correction after inaccurately reporting several things only 90’s kids understand
NEW YORK CITY – In an effort to maintain their reputation as a publication of record, BuzzFeed printed a correction today to an earlier story entitled 57 Things Only Kids Who Grew Up in the…
Report: Bank cheques cost how fucking much?
TORONTO – In a survey of the nation’s major banks, a new report published today states that ordering cheques from your bank can cost anywhere from “Wait, how fucking much?” to “Jesus, you g…