OTTAWA – It was with a mix of embarrassment and concern that economists announced yesterday that almost the entire North American GDP, long thought to be a mature economy, is actually just 26,000 Slack messages in a trench coat.
“Upon initial analysis, the North American GDP appeared like it was grown, however when given a gentle shove and seeing how easily it toppled over, we realized what we thought was a highly advanced technical economy was in fact just tens of thousands of Slack messages stuffed inside a large garment,” explained a Senior Economist at the Brookings Institution.
According to economists the trench coat also included thousands of emails, project management software tickets, Google Docs comment threads, and other forms of useless make-work intended to create the illusion of a robust economy.
“It’s a simple premise really: when taken on their own, it’s easy to see these are not mature markers of economic measurement; however when a number of them sit on each others’ shoulders in large enough quantity and wrap themselves in a large wrapper like a trench coat or a tech company, they are able to pass themselves off as a fully grown industrial economy and sneak into the OECD, G8, and other adult economic circles they’re usually not allowed in to.”
While some economists expressed that this is cause for concern, others were more optimistic.
“These Slack messages might seem small now but they really show a ton of potential,” explains Erika Redding, an analyst for a venture capital fund. “Maybe one day they will grow up and make something of themselves and you know… create something,” added Redding.
“This period of economic growth is often just a phase,” explains Economic Psychologist Gregory Langford. “Economies need time to grow and realize their dreams of turning Quantum AI powered micro-targeted digital synthetic influencer advertising into infinite money will probably never happen, and eventually settle down and do something more realistic, like making steel beams, and become real contributing members of the economy.”
“What’s important is that we never lose confidence in them, or else they could have a total meltdown.”
According to economists, the 26,000 Slack Messages, which had long successfully passed themselves off as economic growth, were caught when trying to pay with a parent company’s credit card which was already overdrawn by 6 trillion dollars.
