NEW YORK CITY – In an effort to maintain their reputation as a publication of record, BuzzFeed printed a correction today to an earlier story entitled 57 Things Only Kids Who Grew Up in the…
Business
Report: Bank cheques cost how fucking much?
TORONTO – In a survey of the nation’s major banks, a new report published today states that ordering cheques from your bank can cost anywhere from “Wait, how fucking much?” to “Jesus, you g…
Tim Hortons worker playing Roll Up The Rim wins paid break
Cobourg, ON — It’s a lucky day for Tim Hortons employee Shirley Bishop, who won big at Roll Up the Rim: one paid break! “I was on my regular, unpaid coffee break when it happened,” said Bishop, w…
Barbie celebrates 60th birthday by retiring from 200 jobs
Malibu, CA – Barbie is turning 60 years old today and she’s marking entering her seventh decade by doing what many sexagenarians do: retiring from hundreds of jobs. “It’s not that I don’t l…
7 Millennial job-hunting strategies that aren’t just lying down and waiting for death to take you
The job market sure is depressing these days – from growing automation, to the gig economy, to the inevitable climate change apocalypse that will render everything you do meaningless anyway. But …
Bombardier somehow misses deadline for train they weren’t contracted to make
MONTREAL – Following a long history of faulty products and broken contracts Quebec manufacturer Bombardier has missed a deadline for a train they were never contracted to make. “Our deepest…
Amazon abandons plans for NYC HQ after no one home to accept delivery
NEW YORK – New Yorkers were left stunned and disappointed as Amazon cancelled its plans for a new headquarters in Queens when no one was home to accept delivery. “The UPS driver tried three…
New ‘Roll Up The Rim’ prize gives winners a free coffee from better coffee place
Hamilton, ON – The beloved Tim Hortons’ ‘Roll Up The Rim To Win’ contest is back and better than ever with a prize Canadians have long been hoping for – a free coffee from one of Cana…
Schick responds to Gillette’s #MeToo ad by releasing misogynistic razor
NEW YORK – In response to Gillette’s powerful advertisement about toxic masculinity, Schick has unveiled a misogynistic razor for those angry and bitter men who feel betrayed. “This product…
Johnson & Johnson claims asbestos in Baby Powder was benevolent attempt to fireproof world’s babies
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ – Following widespread anger, lawsuits and a precipitous stock price drop when it was revealed that Johnson & Johnson have known for decades that their Baby Powder was…
