Markham, ON – a local office’s annual holiday party has given employees exactly what they’ve always wanted: the chance to spend more time surrounded by their co-workers.
“Oh man finally,” said accounts manager Margaret Germain. “Currently I only see these people 8 hours a day. That’s only 40 hours a week, or 2,080 hours a year. Nowhere near enough time.”
“Plus now they’re drunk and saying/doing things they wouldn’t normally do!” She added.
The event will kick off with drinks in the same office kitchenette where people usually say hello and make awkward small talk while refilling their water bottles, dinner at a nearby restaurant where the random seating assignment will prevent the few employees who are actually friends from sitting together, and dancing at a club nearby, where everyone will get to have the visual of their 63 year old boss grinding with a 23 year old assistant burned into their brains forever.
“Sure the fact that I already see ‘Sheila from HR’ more than my own children is depressing if you think about,” said Gary from operations. “But Sheila and I always have a great time talking about tv shows we’ve both watched over the past year. Not to mention our lively conversation about vacations we may or may not take.”
Employees are already taking bets on which co-worker will puke first, as well as which co-workers will hook up. Unsurprisingly the same employees are polling well in both categories.
At press time the company was already planning on building on this energy by announcing a mandatory team building weekend trip to Florida.