DENVER, CO – A group of clearly distraught RE/MAX officials addressed a room full of reporters today to announce that, for the 42nd year in a row, the real estate company has blown their en…
Business
Companies offer listening real good in lieu of enacting real change
NORTH AMERICA – In an attempt to show the public that they are in support of the Black Lives Matter movement, executives from companies across North America are promising to listen real har…
Thompson’s Discount Anal Beads still putting finishing touches on #BlackLivesMatter statement
TOPEKA, KS – Following the lead of other major corporate brands like Walmart, JP Morgan Chase, and the NFL, executives at the head office of Thompson’s Discount Anal Beads have been hard at…
Maple Leaf Foods unveils new burger that’s 99% plant protein, 1% giant panda
Mississauga, ON – After successfully launching the 50/50 burger, a patty that is 50% animal protein and 50% plants, Maple Leaf Foods has unveiled their new creation: the 99, a burger that i…
Band-Aid company offers band-aid solution
SKILLMAN, NJ – Band-Aid brand adhesive bandages announced recently that their new range of bandages in various shades of Brown and Black skin tones are expected to offer not much help while…
Toyota deeply regrets “Catch the Corolla Virus” ad campaign
JAPAN – Following an immense public backlash, Toyota Motor Corporation has issued a complete and unequivocal apology for the poorly considered wording of their multi-media ad campaign titled “Cat…
Jeff Bezos on track to become first man to steal a trillion dollars from his employees
MEDINA, WA – A new report suggests that Amazon founder Jeff Bezos could become the first man on earth to successfully steal a trillion dollars from his employees. “Tim Cook, Elon Musk, the …
Air Canada CEO claims company is too busy firing employees to refund passengers
MONTREAL – Faced with mounting calls for the company to issue refunds to passengers whose travel was cancelled due to COVID-19 instead of just travel vouchers, Air Canada CEO Calin Rovinesc…
Canadian geese offer ass-to-door delivery of hot load of sidewalk shit
VAUGHAN, ON – A new startup helmed by Canadian geese is promising to deliver direct ass-to-door sidewalk goose shit to customers via their app, Instacrap. “Nothing signals the beginning of …
“Nothing can harm me now,” states Tim Hortons employee behind flimsy plastic sheet
Scarborough, ON – Local Tim Hortons employee Jim Matthews feels invincible after his management has installed a thin plastic sheet in front of his register. “I’ve never felt so powerful,” s…
