WASHINGTON – A decapitated US Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says there are no concerns about his health. “Everything is fine,” said the body of McConnell speaking from his neck cav…
Trudeau ready to trigger election if cafeteria doesn’t have those delicious mozza sticks
OTTAWA – While waiting in line at the Parliamentary cafeteria, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau said he’s willing to go to the polls if he doesn’t get his hands on some gooey mozza sticks with…
Alberta removes education from curriculum
EDMONTON – After taking recommendations from hand-picked advisors, Premier Jason Kenney UCP government will be removing education from the province’s curriculum. Any form of learning will b…
Toronto Sun using $600 million media bailout to write lazy articles: Sources
TORONTO – Early reports indicate that the Toronto Sun and several of its journalists and columnists are cashing in on a taxpayer-funded bailout to write lazy, clickbait articles instead of …
Entire population taking the same goddamned hike at the same goddamn time
GATINEAU, QC – Reports indicate that every goddamned person out there and their dog is taking the same hike you’re taking. Billions gathered at the trailhead as an alternative to indoor act…
Nova Scotia RCMP claim they’re not racist since they can’t protect white people either
DIGBY, NS – After being accused of racism for allowing white fishermen to destroy Indigenous lobster fisheries, the RCMP clarified that they can’t protect anyone regardless of race. “Whoa, …
“Somebody should call the police,” say NS RCMP officers watching van being torched
NEW EDINBURGH, NS – A group of RCMP officers watched helplessly as white lobster fisherman broke into an Indigenous fishery, vandalized property, and set fire to a van. Armed with semi-auto…
Sask Premier Scott Moe leaves scene after colliding with debate
REGINA – Saskatchewan Premier Scott Moe has been reportedly involved in another accident, this time colliding into two debate podiums. The driver plowed through the CBC Saskatchewan galleri…
Alberta Health Minister reduces maximum lifespan to 70
EDMONTON – In a sweeping round of cuts, Alberta Health Minister Tyler Shandro has revealed a significant reduction in the maximum life span of the province’s citizens. Shandro made the anno…
Digital Thanksgiving: Shortcuts to muting the anti-mask rants of your relatives
Are you tired of hearing about your uncle’s ‘Plandemic’ opinions or how governments are infringing on your aunt’s right to infect other people at the grocery store? Fortunately, digital Thanksgiv…
