WINNIPEG – Local resident and regular 7-11 patron Dale Brattigan laid claim to a new Slurpee flavour last Tuesday by combining all available flavours into one large cup and mixing the shit …
Local man likes to think he’s funny
SCARBOROUGH, ON – After watching a comedy special featuring several top comics, 36-year-old suburbanite Peter Wisken made a formal announcement Thursday evening regarding his long-held belief tha…
Beatles fan unimpressed by rest of humanity
WINNIPEG – Remarking on the state of the music industry, self-described “Beatles maniac” Gilbert Planter told friends and co-workers that no real music has been produced by huma…
Dechert still facing criticism for flirtatious emails
Tory MP Bob Dechert continues to face criticism for having exchanged “flirtatious” emails with a Chinese reporter who may also be a spy. What’s your say? “Just because you say you’re going …
Shamed ventriloquist reveals dummy actually his son
MONTREAL – The world of ventriloquy is in uproar following revelations that renowned ventriloquist Janzo Ballensteen has been using his son, 12-year-old Wally Ballensteen, a real human bein…
Ford administration okays tax hike to save city’s struggling video stores
TORONTO – Addressing growing concerns that video stores throughout the city are closing down amidst falling profits, Toronto mayor Rob Ford announced a new tax subsidy to help video-rental …
Local waste of a man to spend all afternoon thinking about morning
WINNIPEG – According to living room sources, unemployed Winnipeg resident and generally useless individual Andrew Rowley will spend the entire afternoon lying on his couch and reflecting up…
Twin brother to twin sister: ‘I think we should see other siblings’
ST. ALBERT, AB – Phillip Flansky, twin brother of Lillian Flansky, broke the news Wednesday to his twin sister that he wants to spend time with his other siblings. Coming from a family of 1…
